He's So Good!

The last time I really wrote I was so down and out about everything I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am so thankful now that so much has changed. I've learned so much about myself, life, men and my dreams. My hopes and dreams have since changed and I hope for much more than I have in the past. Even if all of my dreams don't come I know that I hoped for the best and not snything less than I ever wanted. In a few weeks I am going to be taking my exit exam for the fourth time and though I am hoping for the best I am also not limiting my options. my journey has taught me not to close myself off to other oppotunities and possibly other talents all because I have gotten comfortable. My journey in relationships has been rocky(for the last 6 years lol). There are some friendships with a few girls that I thought would last forever but we don't speak anymore... And my relationships with men have been to me a joke... and I can honesly only blame myself. I have realized that I love the people in my life hard, so if someone doesn't feel that from me then I don't love them simple as that. I have always tried to be selfless with the people I love because that I what I love to do and what I would like them to do for me. Giving too much of myself in the past has brought me to where I am today. I know that regardless of how much I love the people in my life I will still try my best to be there for them but I need to care for myself first and foremost.
God has been on my side the entire time, even when I chose not to acknowledge his presence. I had an expericne almost two months ago that helped me put it all into perspective. Dreams that I started to believe were unattainable are the dreams that I am actively persueing. I took a chance on God and resigned from my position at the hospital in order to study efficiently for my test. Since then I have no income but my God has been blessing me more than I ever expected. Worry serves me no purpose right now even though that is all I used to do.. I can't do it anymore because I know that I am only seeing one part of the picture. Right now I am just trying to go with the flow and enjoying the rollercoaster that God has me riding.

Living With Life's Consequences

Over time I discover more than before that dealing with the obstacles that come up in life are not easy until you are looking back at it because you are are now facing something more difficult. Dealing with this situation with my exit exam with the nursing department has been one of the most difficult situations that I could have ever imagined. I have learned to adapt to it and just keep myself busy in other things. Unfortuantely the worry and stress that this has caused still shows. I sleep all the time, or I can't fall asleep... I eat crap forget eating healthy... and in the last couple of weeks despite working out like usual I have gained weight! The crazy thing is I want to fight the nursing department, study and get my degree all at the same time but I don't have any time to do any of it. I don't like my job.. I feel like I'm being cheated. It's kinda like I know my potential, how come they can't see it? So many dreams shattered... Five years (an extra year because I chose nursing) all for nothing because I can't get a real job in my field or any other because according to life I'm just a student. I pray about this situation all the time and I really felt that maybe God wanted me to fight this situaiton for the other people coming behind me that may also end up in this situation one day.
My friends and fanily probably think I'm crazy these days cause all I can think or talk about is that fact that I have nothing.. nothing to show for the loans I have taken out, the nights where I worked and then went straight on to class, for the sacrifices that are priceless because they involved the life events of my family and friends. I find myself asking the question , 'What am I supposed to do now?'
I'm sorry I know this is depressing and I hope that the next time I write will be better than this.

What Next Lord!?

Last wednesday something happened to me that I would never have thought could have. I didn't pass my exit exam for the 3rd time. Okay in case you didn't know I have always been an excellent test taker up to this point. According to the nursing dept I am done. I have finished five years at Oakwood all for nothing to show for it... It's depressing to think about the social events that I skipped out on in order to study and sleepless nights I have had from studying for pharmacology tests to working and then going to class. I was so sure that this time I was going to get it. Me, fail? Yea right! Before this year I would have said oh no not me! Now I'm not so sure. I'm not sure why God allowed this to happen...He and I had a talk weeks before the test and He told me to trust Him.. Seriously He did, that still small voice is so real. Now I am wondering what could God have me do now? I'm thinking that I can't do what He would have me to without my degree.. What would be my purpose without it? Realizing that this is much bigger than me, I have to just wait on Him because He sees the bigger picture... Even if I have to cry about it everyday.

Why Do We Put Limits?

God is so good and honestly we don't give him credit for all He does, can do and will do for us. Often we don't know how much our doubt in God determines how much faith we have and how we will get a blessing. Don't get me wrong we shouldn't believe or have faith only for a blessing because we don't deserve anything in this world that we have been given. Nothing in this world has our names written on it and we desreve none of it. We honestly don't even deserve salvation but God in all His mercy and love has decided to give us sinners what we don't deserve because He loves us that much. He heals us, provides us with food, shelter, clothing, loving friends and family...that is far more than most have ever had. Be Thankful He has been so good! I'm getting excited just thinking about how He has healed me in the last few months, delivered me from school, protected me from harm, and paid my rent every month especially when I wasn't working! I just want to shout right now, He's so good! Lets not take him for granted. Everything He does is just because He loves us and if we only put Him first and trust Him all the obstacles that plague our lives will not be so bad because we will won't be trying to fight the battle alone. I pray that everyone finds out how much God loves and cares for them... Knowing that God cares feels diffrent than knowing that people care about you. It's as if a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders and someone is carrying you all the way. Praise Him! Don't limit my God, there is nothing too hard for Him!

Save Yourselves from Yourselves!

Ok I'm am upset right now because some of the mistakes that we make in life can be avoided! I found out about a situation with some people I know back home that is upsetting me. Some mistakes should not have to be experienced by all to know that they should be avoided. Just like we shouldn't drive our cars long-distance without gas we should be prepared and protect ourselves by making sure there is enough gas in our cars! I do understand that often times things happpen reagrdless of how much we try to plan but often its more of our negligence that has gotten us to reach the consequences than conincidece. Lets take responsibility for our actions and charge of our futures. Every reaction has an equal and opposite reaction so lets protect ourselves from those reactions. Even if the reaction has already come.. educate someone else and start protecting yourself and those around you!

Happy Birthday to me!

I'm am celebrating my 23rd birthday and I am amazed at where I am in my life. According to my plans I am so off track but because I know that God's plan has led me to this point.
I have so much to be thankful for! A wonderful family, great friends, food, shelter and clothing. I may not have everything that I want but I definitely have all that I need.
my car gave up the ghost last week but the crazy thing is I feel more free without. I do miss being able to come and go as I please and asking for rides hurts my ego, but I have used my two feet to get me where I needed to go. Now I know that walking isn't something that is commonly done in Huntsville but I do believe that every now and then it is necessary. It has been so refreshing to take a walk where I needed to go and let go of my usual time constraints that I put on everything.
Thank you Lord for another year of life and may lessons learned.

So Scared!

Fear can keep most people from doing certain things or going certain places. I know that I have personally let fear dictate my actions many times. Dreams that I have had I have kept to myself because of the thought of failure or that no one would believe that I could do it. Even revealing my true feelings for someone have been haulted by fear. How much more could I attain though by letting go of my fears and living life?

For most of my teenage years and still presently I have a fear of water and drowning... I have almost drowned quite a few times and even though I have taken swimming classes since then I really don't know if I can swim because I won't go into the deep end of any pool. Watching the olympics this year though has made wonder how well I could actually swim if I faced my fear... I really don't think I'm brave enough to do it yet..(just thinking about it right now I'm getting really nervous) but I hope that one day I can face my fear and swim like a dolphin lol!

The way that I think about myself has the most influence on what does and does not happen for me and also how it happens. For instance, all of last semester I was so scared of not passing my exit exam that though I was studying I didn't believe that I could do it (with God's help of course). I think what led to my failure the most was my doubt and lack of faith in God and myself. My fear consumed me so much that I couldn't believe anything else.

I am learning to deal with my feeling differently now and maybe one day I can say that I was afraid of water but I tackled that fear and I've moved to the next one.

Secrets

Secrets need to be kept to protect the person whose secret it is. Often times we tell people information that we need not tell because they are going off of their life experiences and are discouraging to us. When I tell someone something and I feel bad afterwards because of their response or a look I keep a mental note not to discuss such topics with them again. There are so many things that I wish I could talk to people about but because I know that encouragement and support will not follow in response I keep these things to myself.
Of course for me that is not always easy... Knowing that I have to keep all my feelings, aspirations, and desires to myself because I don't any negative thoughts planted into my mind really sucks. Real friends tell you the truth but also know that negative statements will not make their friend feel better.
I really wish I could truly vent without feeling like I'm being judged.

My duty?...

What are we held accountable for? What are our ultimate expectations of ourselves and how are they determined? Often we make a decision to do something based on how we would like to see ourselves one day. Though there isn't anything wrong with envisioning a better you.. at what point do we accept who we are and where we are? I have and still am struggling with accepting myself, my life and my expectations that may not have been reached for one reason or another. How do we know what your duty is in life then? At what point do we give up the fantasies and live in reality? Are out to run after our fantasies or do we wait for a sign to drop into our laps from God so that we can know what move to make next?
The reality is that God gave us a brain and the power of choice so that we can make the decision. At times executive decisions will be made and at that point we have to take into account that we do not see the bigger picture. The most difficult part is also the easiest. It is difficult to relinquish that control and desire to run our own lives but once we do it we see how easy it actually was and how much easier our lives are with them in God's hands.
So what is my duty? my passion? my next destination?
Nursing, Physical Trainer, Business Owner.... maybe all three?!
I really don't know but I can't wait to find out.

New Challenge

I have decided that I am going to run in a Marathon! My goal is to try for the GA Marathon in March. I have 8 months to do it and I don't know how I'm going to but I am going to try.

In the words of India...

I am ready for love... why are you hiding from me... I'll give up my freedom to be held in your captivity...

In the words that India sings I feel like I can really relate. It seems as though everytime that something potentially good comes into my life it kinda just dissipates.... The thing is I know I'm a good catch with a banging body so whats the deal? More recently someone came into my life that I have had a stronger connection with than I have with anyone in a very long time. It was scary at first and I admit I held back but at the same time it was good to know that it could happen for me again.

Lately I've been torn because I'm not sure if God will me the desires of my heart just because I want it or because that is what he has for me. I'm trying to trust Him but doubts creep in when I remember that two people can be headed down a path to meet one day as God intended and one person can leave the path and it is possible that the two will never meet.

Movies like Something New and Programs like Black Women in America highlight the lack of black men available. And then left with the ones available there has to be a connection... Two people may match on paper but that may be as far as it goes.

I just want who God has for me. I just pray that he is ready when I am ready.

Let Go and Let God...?

I had a moment in church today where the speaker asked a question that I have been thinking abou tbut have been to afraid to ask. Before I get to that though here are somethings that I was thinking about during church.



Sometimes we allow ourselves to forget how good God is and how much He has done for us when we are nothing but sinners and nothing is owed to us. Sacrifices that we claim to make do not compare to the miracles of life and the extra blessings tha the gives us though we do not deserve it. Thank You Lord!



We need to tell God how we feel, He is our best friend and will look out for us more thaan than any of our friends ever will. Everything that you need him to be for you He can be that and much more. Ask, Believe and Claim! Remember that He is not human and He will not fail you!
During church the speaker went ont o say that God's first response may not be His last and the we should persisitently pray for whatever it is that we are asking for.

I was quite torn about the persistent prayers so I talked over with some friends to get their perspective. The response I got was the Hannah prayed for a long time for a child. She could have given up when God didn't give her one but she continued to pray until she was told that she would have a son. Immediately after hearing this she told God that in her gratitude that she would give her child back to Him.

Hannah got what she desired in God's time through her persistent prayers. Maybe God wanted her to wait for the appropriate time in her life or maybe God just wanted to increase her faith...whatever it was that God was doing....I'm gonna just keep praying.

The Next Phases of Life.... Chapter ?

So much has changed since I started this blog and since I have last written that I don't know where to begin. I going to start by saying that God is good. He is too good to us sometimes especially when we don't deserve it... So far this year I have managed to make it out of undergrad and I am now moving out into the workforce. As excited as I am now I had so much more fear when the semester was ending. Letting go of being in school all my life was difficult. Because there isn't another level after college where someone can see their friends and deal with life changing issues with people they grown with and are comfortable I wasn't completely ready to close the chapter on my college years. Though I did have some anxiety I am better now knowing that I felt this same way when I left high school and it obviously didn't turn out as bad as I expected.

Moving on into the next chapters of my life are exciting and scary. Many of my friends are getting married, having children or doing both and honestly I am starting to feel left behind. All of our conversations have turned into convos about marriage, babies, houses and retirement! It is exciting to see my friends move on and have happy and productive lives and it makes me want more for that time in my life whenever it comes. I just didn't expect that it would happen for my friends so soon. I guess I always had that idea in my head that we all would enjoy our youth at little longer and then it a few years it would happen for all of us tat the same time... lol I guess that is my fault for expecting something like that... that is crazy that I really believed that though.

Where do I go from here? Where will I end up? What should I expect next?

These are questions that I have been asking myself for months, but they were much easier to handle when I was still in school, but now that reality has hit...

Don't know what to think....

I am so torn and confused inside right now. I'm tired of this rollercoaster. Sad thing is when I pray I don't feel like God hears me. I know no one reads these anymore but just pray...

Full Yet?

How do you decide that enough is enough? When do you know that you've had your fill. My heart yearns for more but my mind says that I'll full for right now... Should I push it away or hold onto it until it spoils because I don't want anyone to have any? Maybe I should just enjoy knowing that we were enjoying each other... Now I push it away because though I'm full and don't want to let go, I would rather have it come back my way the next time I'm hungry than sitting in front of me and spoiling. So goodbye ................. With love,

Krystle

Another year done!

This school year is has been the craziest ever. From not having a car for most of last semester, to having my ex-roommate move her boyfriend in to our apartment... man things have really been crazy not even including the little things that took place in between all of this. Most of all I can see though many bad things have happened, many good things too. I recieved a scholarship that I didn't apply for and moved into a better apartment with a great roommate... and not to mention that other good stuff that I cannot mention out loud yet. Thanks be to God for helping all of us through this school year. Congrats Raquel, Jailyn, and Candace.

Which one are you?

Tough Cookie.

The past few months have been crazy. I get overwelmed just thinking of everything that has happened. Through it all I have learned a few things. 1) Real life is tough, no matter how nice others make it seem. 2) Real friends always show their faces when times get tough. 3) The people who tell you the truth all the time and especially when you don't want to hear it are the ones that should be kept close by. 4) Look though someone elses glasses to make sure you're getting a clear picture in yours. 5) God knows best and His time is not our time. Honestly very few people know what I have been dealing with in the last few months. Sometimes when things come up no matter how hard to try to explain to people how you feel sometimes they just don't get it. Many times this semester I realized that my life is about finding the answer to solve the problem. The problem in the problem sometimes is that there is no solution... So what's the answer? I have no clue! Why do you think I'm writing? Do you follow you're heart? Or use logic? They both seem like they could work but real life isn't that simple. The hardest thing for me to do was stay strong. I was always so easy in the past but it has gotten harder. I have been broken. The year is wrapping up and I am very glad. I'm ready to begin a new year and do this one right. 2007 is mine! Stake your claim on it too but this year is ending and my baggage is staying there.

I did it!

I can't believe I did it! I am so excited and amazed that I did. It looks a little crazy but I love it. It will take a little getting used to but this will be a good experience...I hope. Tell me what you think, it is not complete but it needs to take time to get my natural curl back. I had it cut and colored and I kept my hair.

So much to say but I don't know how to say it.

It has been an interesting summer so far. More than you can imagine. Though there haven't always been good times I wouldn't take any of them back or change what has happened so far. Not knowing what step to take next have made decisions more difficult but at the same time just as fun. It is amazing to see how much all of us have grown when I interact with everyone individually. There is just something about the summer that allows thought and growth in an individual, at least I can say so for myself.

I went to Trinidad and I learned so much about myself because I learned about my family heritage. It was so enlightening to go to a place where my family lived as slaves and were freed. The place was Charlottesville, Tobago and it is beautiful.

My transition that I started last summer has been difficult because I don't like change or stepping out of my comfort zone. But everytime I feel like I want to stop and give up something happens to make me realize how much this needs to happen or someone will remind me of what things could be like in the future. Every day there is a lesson that I am supposed to learn. Most days I cannot focus and my vision is so blurred that I cannot see that there is a leasson sitting right in front of me.

God has given me so much and has promised to give me so much more if I believe and ask in his name. I doubt whether I can overcome my transition but it is not me but him. I have to remind myself that I could not have come this far without him so any futher will not be my doing.

There is so much more that can be expected, just wait for it.

Gone Traveling

At the moment I am sitting in my parents house and I am in the middle of doing my hair though I would much rather be asleep. It has been a long day. Yesterday I was running around huntsville trying to make sure I had everything I needed and then I got in Atlanta this morning and did the same thing. I went on a search to find a african braid shop that would do my hair at a descent price. But since I am poor that didn't exactly workout. So I decided to suck it up and do my hair myself. Now I'm about halfway done and all I want to do is sleep. I'm excited about going to Trinidad and seeing my family. I still get a little nervous on planes but I have more than enough books to comfort me. LOL. Anyway if you have time to check the blog I can give you an update and show you some pictures of Trinidad and Tobago. Oh yea and if you have a request for a souvenoir let me know asap. Lata guys, pray for me and I will be praying for you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speak Lord.

I'm actually scared of the future. I never been afraid of this before but now I am.

"There is not fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

Please pray.

Done with the interrigation process!

For every problem or decision in my life I have questioned God continually. And when I didn't get the answer that I wanted, the way that I wanted it answered I got mad. I been mad at God so much and honestly I should have been mad at myself for not trusting Him more. I heard I poem by Maya Angelou in which she stated that we interrigate God as if we have a right to. How can the clay question the potter, that just doesn't make sense. I believe that my journey to trusting God completely is just begining, though it took a while for me to get here. I have finally waved my white flag, and though I know that I will be waving it many more times, I am willing to continue doing so. I surrender, yes that's right Jailyn I've finally given up!

Trying new things!

Hello friends I hope that all is well and that we all find time this week to update our blogs. I really miss all of the profound thoughts.... I hope everyone is enjoying not having to study or take tests and is working hard to make that money!!!

On tuesday I went to a ballroom dance class and I sucked. It was funny though because I have rhythm and I can dance, but I didn't know any of the steps so I looked like I had two left feet. But it is amazing that people can know the steps to all of dances and make them their own. I really enjoyed it. I have been catching up with friends and trying to keep in contact with everyone while trying not to stay in the house constantly. I've been going swimming and working hard or at least acting like it. Enjoy everyday guys and try new things so that you can have stories to tell when we all get back. My little boo is growing and smiling and talking to everyone. Here is a recent picture. I love you all and I'm praying for you guys.

And another one!

The Lord has blessed! I needed to get a steady client at work and I got one! Thanks to the Lord. That is a wonderful blessing and that is just one of the many that I could share but I don't think that anyone has that kind of time. I went to my family reunion last weekend and it was much better than I thought it would be. I saw cousins that I haven't seen in a while and met others that I did not even know existed. And of course it was great to see my people that I haven't seen in months. Actually coming back to hunsville after that was kinda bittersweet, part of me started to wish that I had went home for the summer. But its all goodI'll make it eventually. For some reason after reading some devotion today I feel empowered as if I can do anything. yea but other than that nothing new is going on with me. I've been thinking about alot lately so maybe one day I'll share it with you. Peace, Love and Blessings SALSA!

May 25!!

May is over already! I'm still thinking that school just got out but time is going to fly by so quickly. The Lord has blessed me so far by allowing me to get more cases at work and hopefully they will just continue to pickup. I am very happy that Kell is back, I've missed her sarcasim! But I am sad that Mellena is leaving so soon. Thank you all for prying for my family cause so far things have worked themselves out and I know God is working on the rest. I'm going home thisweekend for a "family reunion" and for Mi'chelle's graduation. Mel, J can yoiu believe that girl will be a OC with us in august? Man we're getting old. Anyway my nephew "boo boo" is too cute and he's getting fatter (YES!!). Anyway that's the update for now. Praying for you all.

Loser

OK I wrote a nice long blog for you guys and it erased sorry but I cna't think to write that all again. Sorry until next time, or else call me and I'll tell you. Technology really sucks sometimes.

Only the begining

So far this summer I have gotten myself into some things that I may not do or that I haven't done in a while. I'm sewing, crocheting, already read 1 and half books, and started working on my scrapbook. That is only a few of the things that I have planned for this summer. I have high hopes for this summer and hopefully I won't be disappointed. I really fell something good coming this summer, I don't know what it is but I hope I'm not getting my hopes up for no reason. Well until next time....

Seize the day!

My prayer circle...is you..

Yes all of you are in my prayer circle and I am asking that you pray for my family. There are some situations going on that only the Lord, and I mean only He can handle. Who else do you turn to when it is only possible with God. Please pary that his will be done and that the best and not the worst will come out of this.

Thanks guys.
Krystle

Ungrateful, Maybe?

It is obvious that we take alot for granted. Who would have thought that a drive home after finals would be the last day that two girls would be alive? Okay understand what I am saying for a second. They were not at the club or in a place where someone would assume that it would happen. I just hope that they were living right and they both were able to have a relationship with God. And if this is not enough of a wake-up call for some I don't know what it will take to wake them up. I also found out that a distant cousin of mine was found dead in his cousin's house last night. It seems that there was a robbery and he was shot.He had just graduated from aeronautical school and was about to move because he received a job. Once again he was nto out in aparant danger, though he could have been. All of the things that we worry about mean nothing if we won't be saved one day. Let's not take anyone or anything in our lives for granted. And though you may not always want to, let those who you care about know that you love them, whether is through actions or words. Often we underestimate the power and influence that we have through our actions, words, and even our lack of action. I found this quote by Nelson Mandela that I believe is very powerful.

Our Greatest Fear

Nelson Mandela, 1994 Inaugural Speech



Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,but that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.Your playing small does not serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine,we consciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our fear,our presence automatically liberates others.

For all who do not know I love you all and you have a special place in my heart.

Starting a Trend

I spent another weekend at home, again, not sure if it was by choice though. Both Alumni weekend and Youth Congress weekend I did not do what I usually would, instead I stayed away from the crowds. I actually have felt more relaxed and I have come to terms with the fact that I am not a "social butterfly". Learning to be comfortable with myself is one of the hardest things that I have had to do, but I am having fun doing it. Everything around me is changing and I am learning to deal with it without rejecting it. Everyone around me is changing and growing also. Good job guys!

Alright well that's all for now. This is the last week of classes and I know that I do not feel like studying anythign or looking at a single book. I just want to sleep, eat, an dmake money. Okay so I'm jumping the gun a little bit, I know I have to take my finals first. 4 more days, and I can take a break.

Counting my blessings.

There is someone who is apart of my life that was not here this time last week...It's Daniel (Boo Boo) Jones!!! He came into the world calmly but determined to be outside of the womb. His mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and well wishers are very happy to have him here. Welcome Daniel!!

Officially 1 week and 5 days left of classes and I feel like I have senioritis, only I'm not a senior. Lately there has been alot more procrastinating on my part and its taking over my life!! But I feel mentally and physically drained from school. In spite of my slackness God has been blessing me and I am doing well in my classes because of his grace... It is only through him that I made it through nursing this far, while doing fitness & wellness. So I have to thank God for these blessings.

Last week was trying for my emotionally. I went to work two weeks ago for my evaluation. Basically on a scale of 1 to 4, (1 being the best and 4 the worst) I got a.... 4. A 4!!!! Can you believe it? I was devastated because I have being trying very hard to do everthing that they expect of me. What makes me upset is that as far as work int he store goes I was always the one trying to find something to do and when I was given a task I always worked until it was done. I worked hard but they did not seem to care about that. I didn't know what to do. They put me on probabtion and said that I would be evaluated again in may. But Monday something told me to go to a Senior Assisted Living Center and apply. I went and on the spot I was given a job for after school finished. Also the nursing Recruiter a Huntsville hospital called and told me to apply again so that she could check out my application!! God is so good!! The Lord is blessing me and giving me options, Praise Him!!

Issues with trusting God have kept me back from many blessings that I know he has waiting for me. There is so much I want to trust him with and I am workign on doing that one bit at a time. And because he hasn't failed me yet my strength in him is building. I don't know when I'll be ready for the blessings that he is holding onto for me but I know that they are there.

Have a great week! We are almost done with this school year. (Okay so I got a little happy with the camerra on Sat. nite :), oops)

Counting Down !! Part 2

There are officially 2 weeks and 5 days left of school for this semester. The reality of the ending of my junior year is really setting in. I find myself often looking back at this school year and what has and hsa not taken place. I will be 21 this year and I find myself re-evaluating everything that I though I was and what I want to become. I know that I am not the only one who has been doing this either. In the movie 30 Years to Life a group of friends were evaluating their lives and what they hoped to have had by this time. If you have not seen this movie you should...it was like looking at my own personal circle.

While talking to a friend this week I realized that many people on campus are looking and seeing the same things that my friends and I always talk about. He said something interesting..he said that there are too many goodlooking people on campus who were unhappy. I found this interesting because I am hearing of more situations where those in relationships are leaving them because they are not happy and somehow they thought that being in one would make them happy. The reality is that most people who are not happy with themselves will not be happy with someone else. While talking to my friend he asked me what I thought would be the best way to avoid ending up in a situation like that, and I found that odd because he was so much older than me and I felt like he should be shedding some wisdom in my direction. But I answered him saying that it is important to find ourselves and be comfortabel with yourself. I feel like my girls and I are on the road to self-discovery and I told him that it is important to have peopl ein your life who won't let you feel sorry for yourself and who will tell you the truth. My friend was very impressed and told me that though there were goodlooking people on campus he was looking for something that was really of substance, his words were actually something with some fire... Wraping this up, it is important to exercise faith (and I'm speaking to myself too..) and trust God. It is obvious that he will not fail us or intentionally do wrong to us, clearly how far we have come is an indication of that. Just be prepared in case your day is today... I believe that is the time that I should be working on me. This is probably the only time that I will have in my life to worry about only me. I might as well enjoy it.

Boy have times changed...

The things that I have seen change in my lifetime is sometimes hard to fathom. Times are changing for the good, even though some seem like they are for the bad. I don't know about anyone else but I want to be ready for whatever comes. No one knows the future but we can put our best foot forward and step out on faith. Oh the things I have seen and the people that have changed... I just chuckle to myself. Kell so much to tell you when you come back!

Peace, Love, Blessings to all!

A New Day, New Beginings!

Smiles all around!!! I'm ready... I really am. The sun is shining and I am ready.

Counting Down!!

Our days are numbered guys!! We have 5 weeks and two days left of this semester. Though it seems it is getting harder it is exciting to me because that means that the race is almost over. Yesterday was such a rainy day that I wanted to enjoy by sleeping. Though I did not get to do that I still thought about it and it made me smile( yea, yea I know its weird).

Anyway so I have a thought and a question. We should do whatever it takes to make love work right? But honestly what should the extent be of one's personal sacrifice of their commitment to their love? Okay I know this is weird guys but I've been thinking that if you cannot sacrifice soomething for the ske of your love then you are not giving love your all. Okay for all the single people (me too!!!) how much do you think you will be willing to let go, give up, or sacrifice for the sake of your love. And how do you know you have gone too far? I know in reality that we will not truthfully be able to answer this question unless you are in the situation but try to be honest with yourself. I know that if I am honest with myself there will be a limit to my sacrifice for love and my reason is for another blog, another day.

What do YOU think?

Can I rewind just a little bit?

I had a really nice and heartfelt blog but it was erased just when I was about to post it. I had a very good weekend. The Tennessee Aquarium was nice with lots of laughs (just gotta love my friends). So many different reptiles and they looked different and unique. It made me proud because that means God made no mistakes when He made me. We are all different for many reasons and once we become comfortable with that we can stop worrying about the petty stuff and start being thankful for what we have.

Okay so in other news I am really starting to slack off in my school work. It is so hard to push myself to spend that extra time in the books. I feel like I wasted my Spring Break doing work when I shouldn't have done anything at all. Now I want a break and I can't get one. It sucks but I will have to find a stress reliever to get my mind off of school in the weekends. I like to think of this temporary though and that soon I'll be back on the grind and not stressing out like this.

Praying for you all that read the blogs regularly. Kelle, Javario, Mel, Jailyn, Danielle and Matt. I hope we all get that burst energy to help up finish up the school year right.

Trying to make it.

Okay so this week has been so difficult that saying it has been hard is an understatement. I know that everyone is feeling the burn of the last few weeks, 7 and 2 days to be exact. Remember the race is not for the swift but for those who perserve to the end.

Krystle

Recap of spring break and then some....

Days 4 and % of Spring Break were very relaxing. I went home to Atl and just enjoyed being taken care of again. I slept, ate and did some school work, all while chilling with the fam. Though I did not get all of my work done I have no regrets, I enjoyed myself.

I have an issue I would like share about RESPECT. Now this is something that we think we know all about. We may say that I will respect those who respect me or that if someone demands respect then they should get it. Okay well while talking to some males I've realized that there is a problem in our generation. There is a lack of respect for women on all levels. I have heard males say if a female doesn't respect herself then he will not respect her and treat her like a lady. THAT IS A PROBLEM! Sadly I've seen much lack of respect all around. It is bad enough to see it on t.v. or in a public place but at church? I've seen men not give there seat to an older lady on the bus. I've seen children disrespecting adults to their faces. I've even seen males who are my age talk to a female, calling her out of her name and she answers. Where has all the respect for ourselves, women, and our elders gone. It is not fair to say that there is nothing that can be done. I was talking with a guy who said to me that he would never hold the door open for a woman who did not respect herself. I told him that wasn't fair to her or to the other women out there. What happened to the days when guys pulled out chairs, offered up their seats, or carried heavy bags. There are still some guys who will do that but what about the others. Just because a female does not hold herself up to a certain standard to be treated does not mean that she should not be treated that way. Lets be real, today we can never be sure that everyone is taught respect but those of us who do know should mention it. When a girl is putting herself in a category with a piece of meat we should say something. And we should call guys out when there is blatant disrespect happening right in front of us. It seems that maybve everyone needs to be reminded that it could be their mother, sister, aunt, or grandmother being disrespected and their father, brother, uncle, or grandfather disrespecting them.

DAY 3

Okay so Day 3 has been a long day. I went to work for a few hours and then went visiting for a second. Today was such a beautiful day outside and I was trying to enjoy it as much as I could. I was thinking about somethings today and I would like to share one of those things with you. Think of us. Think of the things we talk about now. Think about the asperations that we have for ourselves. Where do you think we'll be a few years from now. What if all that we hope for ourselves comes true? What if it doesn't? I was jsut thinking of that and I wanted to let you know.

Hits and Misses of the Day

Hits
- My boss buying me lunch though it did not taste that good
- Getting an extra hour in at work
- A visit from some friends
- Getting to wash my car (its been months)

Misses
- Not getting my school work finished
- Among other things that I can't remember (guess they weren't that important)

I hope everyone is enjoying this break and will be ready to get back and finish these last 8 weeks. Nite.

Day 2 (a little late?)

Well day 2 was full of nothing but work. It is cool though I racked up some dough for later on. Thank God! Any hits and misses for yesterday.

Hits
- a visit from one of my boys
- making some good ole pasta after starving for hours
- getting off of work a little early

Misses
- being so tired
- almost running out of gas on the road
- being so broke that I want to scream (but i'm okay now, i'm serious)

Okay so that was yesterday. In a few hours I will update you on day 3. Lata

Day 1

Today began day 1 of my Spring Break. I am so focused on two things this week, working and getting my work done. Plan for spring break did not work out for lots of reasons, but its alright but it will all work out (I'm really trying to believe that).

Hits of the day
- The huntsville art museum
- Being able to pic up extra hours at work
- Having great friends to help me out even when they may not want to

Misses of the day
- Not having my car (Kerwin needs a car asap)
- Very bad hair
- Not getting any school work done

Anyway I have a few petitions of God that I would rather not say, but I ask that you please just pray for a breakthrough for me. That's all for day 1. Nite.

Tyler Perry....

For all those who haven't seen Madea's Family's Reunion it is a must-see. I have seen the play and the movie was nothing like I thought is would be. The movie is just wonderful and a serious discussion movie. It mades me and my girls think and gave us hope of something better for us one day. During the movie I was saying to Jailyn, "I'm gonna pray, I'm gonna pray.." Then I was saying " I'm gonna pray and I'm gonna fast..." and it was so crazy but I thought I was gonna cry. By the end of the movie I had hope that somewhere out there was a wonderful that God has been preparing for me. I can't wait to see what God has for me. But for now I know that I am not ready for him. I would like to think that I am preparing to give my best to him and he is preparing to give his best to me. There's no need to half step, it is possible to get the best man possible as long as I let God do it for me. Please see this movie, bootleg or not, it will help you to embrace all of the love around you with family, friends, and otherwise. Love you all!!

Spring Break!!!

Bittersweet that all I can say to describe this. I'm glad that we're getting a break from classes but at the same time I'm mad cause I'll be in huntsville. That was fine during Christmas break because I was so broke but now its not. I'm still broke but I don't want to be here. But I'm gonna take this time to make more money(hopefully) and get my school work done. Next year ladies I will not be doing this so we gotta get our stuff together or else we're all gonna stay here together.

Okay so you know I'll be updating everyday right?! :)

P.S. Here's a picture fromthe banquet for those who were not there.

Just Ask!!!

So scratch that last blog. Just ask and you will know if that person is worth breaking down over or trying to figure out something about. Sometimes is takes being straight up and asking for what you want to find out who is really is worthy of your time. Just make sure you ask God to guide your steps and definetly your words. And prepare yourself for any answer. Make God your number 1 consultant. Friends may give you good advice but sometimes they can't cut it. Talk to God about everything because He will hear and answer your prayer. I tried to upload a pic so u can understand what I mean but its not working so, I'll try again lata.

Songs that make me think a little bit...

Okay you know how you have those songs that make you think of...well I can't speak for everyone else but I can speak for myself. Mariah Carey's song Breakdown speaks of a young lady interested in someone but when they don't get the same response emotionally from him she acts as if she doesn't care. So many times as females we do that and act like we don't care knowing good and well that we do. It really hurts to feel rejected and know that before this person came into your life you could hold it all together. Then it seems you're doing things you would have never done before and before you know it you are confused about everything. LOL. I know you ladies feel me. Lets just say you get to the point where you feel like you're hooked and you can't understand why but you're trying to act as if you don't. Basically eventually you reach your breaking point wherever that may be for you. In Musiq's song Something he talks about a lady that he can't seem to get out of his head because there is just something about her that draws him. Its something in the ways she talks and walks that makes him curious that he doesn't want to leave. And when she asks if their love will grow he says he doesn't know. But if she sticks around then she will know. And he says again that because he doesn't know that he doesn't want to leave her now.

I don't know guys, I know we've all felt this way at some point in our lives. and sometimes when you don't think anyone knows how you feel there are clearly others who have gone through the same thing. It kinda makes you wonder if you should sometimes breakdown and get over it or find out what that something is about that person.

What do you guys think?

Play'd Again?

Thinking about be ing honest with myself has caused me to draw a couple of conslusions. I have avoided being honest with myself and those around me because of how I would feel. Doing this will cause me to have to put my pride and my guard down and make me quite vulnerable. Being honest with myself means accepting things as they are and dealing with them. I want to give up as I always do and become a man-hater again but I don't think I have the energy and I'm tired of escaping that way. My first instinct at most times is to hide or stay home all the time and sleep. I have always asked the Lord to lead me in these situations but it seems that this time it didn't work out and that it may never work out. I have to accept that and not give up hope but just relax and take care of me and wait for whoever he will be one day. One piece of advice though, everytime someone is not honest with you and you find out later it hurts so try not to do that to someone else. Be honest and straightup. So that everyone around you will know how you are for the jump. Okay for real you guys this is me being very honest and I honestly am more confused than ever.

Happy Love Day!!!

On a day like today a bitter/loving female like me would be depressed but this year I was determined not to sulk in what I didn't have. Instead I planned ahead of time and bought a shirt that says "Kiss Me" and wore it today. I woke up a little disappointed cause I knew what day it was but still I wore my shirt anyway. I gave gifts to my friends and other people who are important to me. I didn't get kissed but its alright because I was happy all day. I gave myself something to be happy about. I had to work tonight and even went in there with a smile on my face. I know that I do want someone that my heart skips for, that will make me feel all mushy, but at the same time is my friend. I want all of that but in time that will come. For now I just thank God for my parents, family, friends and people who I didn't even realize cared. Jailyn keeps saying its our year and all we have to do is claim it but first we have to be honest with ourselves. I'm still trying to understand what that means and how it pertains to me. But anyway I will ponder on it and continue another day. There are only 5 minutes left of Valentine's Day 2006 I hope you've told someone that you love them. Until tomorrow....
Happy Love Day!

Here's an Update!

Okay I don't have anything to talk about that I wouldn't be afraid for others to read. SoI'll update you on what you already know. School is hard of course but with God's help I've been able to take the time to study and do my best. Working has been a chore and sadly lately I've been quite strapped for money, but that's alright too cause the Lord knows. I've decided not tobe bitter this year, cause usually at this time I start to get mad the world and not just at men. I was on a rampage during christmas break and I was mad at all men (not really thoguh cause I still love them.) Anyway this Valentine's Day I'm gonna enjoy the day and not let get depressed eating chocolate and watching sappy movies. Nope none of that this year. Moving on to other things though, Kelle I know that you want to travel and I would love to travel too but in thinking about my future I'm not sure where I want to go after I graduate. Not even for the first year. So I'm just wondering where I can see myself, because though I want to travel I need to have somewhere to live first. Okay I'm getting writers block so ladies here's a song to take you in to the Sabbath Superhero by Brian McKnight and Fred Hammond. Listen to this song if you can. Until next time ladies(S.A.L.S.A., Inc.) and other guests, hopefully I'll have exciting something to tell you next time.

Another Day Just Chillin.

Another school day has gond by and I'm chillin now cause I've gotten most of my school work done. I've learned to consume myself in my school work and nothing else. But its cool though cause that is why I'm in college anyway. So... I have nothing else to say but Kelle I've been trying to remember to pray every night at 9pm. That's all until next time.

Krys

Singing it out, better yet Shout it out!!

Have you ever wanted to say something or explain how you were feeling but you did not know how to do it? Billie Holiday is just singing it out I don't know which song she is inging about but she is singing. Just about every emotion can be equated with this picture. She could be mad at someone, or sad and instead of crying may be singing it out. She sould be passionate about something that she is thinking about or excited about a new day to come. Sing whatever song you want to sing through Ms. Holiday and let is all out. You should never be afraid to let it all out. When you let it all out it does doesn't have to be for anyone to see or hear but just so you can have some peace of mind. There have been a few warm days lately, enjoy them when you're out in the sun and think about what you want to sing about.

Are we really ready for changes?

Last night ended the back to school revival for this semester. When the altercall was made I was really struggling about whether I should get up. You see this is very difficult for me because of how public that action is. Finally I asked a friend to come with me and I went. After thinking it over for a while I wanted to get rebaptized. Pray for me please. I don't really know if I can give up those things that may cause me to fall or stay away from my weaknesses. My girls (S.A.L.S.A., Inc.) please pray for me.

Krys

Just Another Day

Sorry its been so long since I've been on the blog Kelle, I'll try not to do that to you again. Guess what I have internet at my apt!!! I'm so happy. Anyway from now on I'll make sure and keep up with my fellow bloggers.

A question that has been onmy mind today is, "Why do people stereotype psychologists and therapists are so afraid to go talk to them?" Tell me what you think I would really like to know.

Krys

New semester and already DRAMA, But this year is already yours!!

This semester seems so promising when during the break I honestly did not know what to think. Jaquece and Jailyn don't worry the Lord is going to take care of you and bless you both. Mel this is definetly your year. Kelle this is your year too and you're starting off with the enperience of a lifetime. Danielle new experiences and trials only come to make us stronger. Candace keep pimping. Mellena yours is coming chica. I wish I could say how I'm thinking and feeling right now but all I can say is let God help you live up to your full potential. This your year ladies, everyone of you!! Claim it!

Krys

This may be our Year!!! 2006 Here we come!

Take this year one day at a time.
Know when to seize the day and when not to.
Enjoy the things you love most as long as you'll have them.
Take care of yourself, mind, body and soul.
Never forget to take time for you.
Give your heart cautiously but make sure to give your heart.
And remember that through it all God is your ultimate and best friend.

Give your best in the new year.

Go after it...

Life is entirely too precious to waste on the things and people who do not really matter to us. Many times we hang on to things that are not worth hanging on to. Or sometimes we hang on to things without knowing why and we end up taking them for granted. I read a book yesterday that was so captivting that I read it in one day. In the book one of the main characters was a woman that was searching for love in all the wrong places as usual. And though she had an interest in someone she decided in herself that he wasn't in her league and that he had to be taken. Later on in the book she ended up meeting this man and they hit it off. Just when the story was getting picture perfect and they were engaged, she was murdered. The book ended in a sad way but I was not necessarily upset about the ending. Life is really like that sometimes and we waste time not going after what we want and think could possibly happen. I'm not saying take every chance that there is because most decisions need alot of thought. But why not give some extra thought cause you never know what can happen. Do not waste your life, take chances but don't take chances that will cause you to waste your life. Lata People.
Please let me know what you think, cause I'm still contemplating on this.

Holidays are for families

In case you didn't realize Holidays are for families, friends and all the people that you love. Some of most bad times occur on holidays with families and when you can look back at the situations and laugh it is wonderful. I love my family so much and we're all going to be together again this Christmas. This will be my first Christmas with both sides of my family to together (this should be exciting). The only sad thing is that my grandmother is not with us, but its alright because I am hoping to see her again one day.

I am in New York right now and I have been spending alot of time with my cousin. We are so alike (stobborn and headstrong) that I hope we don't fight while I'm here. I love her with all my heart and I feel that she is my twin but I'm afraid that we're going to bite each others heads off. But yea we're going to have fun anyway, cause I don't know whwne I'm going to be able to see her again.

To my girls: Jailyn, Melanie, Candace, Raquel, Deanna, Mellena, Danielle, Jaquece and Hermique Happy Holidays Ladies!! Hugs all around and not too much bubbly. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Well I'm signing off now, Merry Christmas to all. Enjoy it no matter who its with.

Got Standards?

There are many reasons why our generation is called "Generation X". One of the main reasons is the lack of morals and standards that are set. It seems like no one cares who does what with whom or about their reputations. Then there are few and faithful who refuse to give in to the things that they do not believe in. Or even those who may venture out and do something but then decide that it is not something that they want to be apart of. Though the few and faithful may get discouraged sometimes about not being noticed, they should not be because it is seen by others. A friend of mine said that though guys may not say it they notice a strong female who has standards and honestly may be intimidated by that. So ladies if you are strong and know what you stand for and won't stand for then know that someone notices and admires your will-power. Even sometimes when we may make mistakes because of our curiousity we can say that it is all in growing and learning. One thing that those with standards take for granted is that way after they are set that they still believe in it and will have the backbone to stand for it. Don't be discouraged if you may have ventured away from what you believe but take a moment and get yourself together. And even if you haven't strayed away make sure that the standards you set are what you still believe. Don't take your will-power for granted but acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses and learn from your mistakes. And make sure that if you go against you standards that it is worth it and you won't regret it later.

December 20, 2005

It is 4 days before Christmas and I am just getting home. I drove back today to make a flight tomorrow morning to New York!! I might get a white Christmas this year. Its been so long since I've had a Christmas in NY. I have great expectations about this Christmas break. Not necessarilly presents but to have fun with my family. Merry Christmas and Season's Greetings to all!!

What if?....

What if we were to go back to the days where we didn't have cell phones and we could only send letters and not emails? What if we walked more and drove less? What if there wasn't a McDonald's only every corner and we had to cook our food every day!!! What if we stopped paying attention to the little insignificant things in life and started paying attention to the things that really matter? Then we would have to acknowledge what really matters... Technology was made to make our lives simpler but they have really made them more complicated. We just have more to worry about. If we didn't have cell phones we wouldn't have to worry about paying bills and having a job to pay those bills. If we didn't have cars we wouldn't have to worry about making sure our rides looked good cause we would all be walking. We wouldn't have to worry about our health because we would walk all, the freaking time! Now if you really think about it have technology made us better or our lives simpler? Ok, in some ways yes but for the most part no. But we have gotten so accustomed to having a gadget somewhere around us at all times that it almost seems impossible to live without. What happened to the days of just hopin that you would have a quater when you saw a pay phone? Though these gadgets are for our leisure lets not forget why they were invented in the first place. Don't get me wrong now I love, love gadgets but I have noticed that I can't seem to go anywhere without something electronic with me and I'm not sure if I like that kind of dependency.

Just something to think about... Like when you leave your cell at home and your entire day seems to just go wrong?... For a cell phone?

Ready for the Truth?

I got a real reality check today. I have always thought that my personality has been one that just about anyone could deal with and understand. I always knew I could be mean but I would have never considered myself a mean person. A friend of mine shed some light on me this morning whe I asked her a honest question. It has just hit me though what all of my friends have been saying all along. They think I'm moody when to me it is just that I don't have anything to say or I'm thinking about things so I don't talk. I knida feel like I might be misunderstood but at the same time I am going to take this opportunity to see what it is that I can change about myself. I know all my friends probably think that I am an evil witch but I'm really not I care about all of them and if I have ever hurt or offended them in anyway because of my attitude then I apologize.

Winding down

The countdown has begun for the last few days of school. There is only one more full week of school and then it is finals!! This semester went by very quickly and throughout all the stressed times we still managed to enjoy ourselves. All that stressing and we have made it out okay. It makes you wonder if you really needed to stress yourself out in the first place. Many times we have wondered what the point of school was anyway. It seems like all it does is make you tired and want to lose your religion. But all in all we have made it through more that half way. We are at the end of the race and we need to finsh the race strong so that we will reach the finish line. "The race is nto for the swift but fo rthose who persevere to the end."

"Imagine Me"

I love Kirk Franklin's new cd there are so many songs that speak out to me. One song in particular I love is called Imagine me. It talks about the obstacles in life we face and how in the end it seems almost unimaginable that we came that far. I know all of my friends can attest to this in one way or the other. These are the words...

Verse1:

Imagine me, loving what I see when the, mirror looks at me cause I, I imagine me, in a place, of no insecurities and I’ am finally happy cause, I imagine me, Letting go, of all of the ones who hurt me, cause they never did deserve me, can you imagine me, saying no to thoughts that try to control me remembering all you told me Lord can you imagine me, over what my mamma said and, healed from what my daddy did and, I wanna live and not read that page again.

Chrous:

Imagine me, being free trusting you totally finally I can imagine me I admit it was hard to see you being in love with some one like me finally I can imagine me.

Verse 2:

Being strong and not letting people bring me down you won’t get that joy this time around can you imagine, in a world where nobody has to live afraid because of your love fears gone away Lord can you imagine me

Bridge:

Letting go of my past and glad I have another chance and my heart will dance cause I don’t have to read that page again.

Right now this song is really speaking to me. The song equates life to pages in a book. And just like the words in the song there are some pages that I don't want to read again. I read somehting that said, "Every minute that you are upset is a minute of happiness that you won't be able to get back." This is to all my friends who haven't let go of the past though they may believe that they have. Just imagine what we could be if we did. We all want the best for each other so why not try to let it go? Just imagine it...

My Boo?

Ok think back to the past, to your first love, like or someone special. Next think on how you've moved beyond it and may be cordial or even friends with that person now. You think you've got all your feelings in check and then someone asks you, "Hey what about you and so and so?" And you're like, "what? thats in the past!". Then someone else asks you and then someone else. And you know that it isn't conspiracy so you start wondering "What about me and so and so?" Don't you hate when that happens? But wait here's the icing on the cake. The song by Usher and Alicia Keys comes on, "My Boo". By then you're really wondering, "Should I give that another chance?" But you come back to your senses when you have an interaction with that someone that makes you remember why it didn't work out in the first place.
I was just pondering on this because of how much this seems to happen. Everyone who thinks they know you wants to hook you up with the person from your past. Live and make your own decisions.

P.U.S.H.

This week was good. Despite the constant school work I was fine. I felt like I had an extra boost of energy that was not usually me. That's how I know it was God. I asked Him to help me handle this school work and he did. Thank you Lord for everything.

Nothing even matters

It is the beginging of November and usually everyone would be wrapped up tightly in sweaters and scarves, but not right now! It is 79 degrees today! I feel like I am wearing too many clothes. Everyone is loving the weather you can tell. Its giving everyone a nice pleasant spirit. I was talking to one of my girls yesterday and we were saying that we were really happy but we didn't know why. I think it was because of the weather. This weather is making me forget all of my worries that I have had for the past few weeks and just relax. It really seems like nothing even matters. Another friend I was talking to said that though we aren't stressing we are working as hard as any other time. I thank God for this weather and for keeping all pleasant even if it is only for the time being. Enjoy the sunshine while it lasts.

When you reach your breaking point....

Ok so you're going through the semester and you have that one class that is just not working with you. It seems as though no matter how much you study and extra work that you practice that you are not getting the grades that you want. In your mind the teacher hates you just because your not doing well. You might even feel like the slowest person in your class. Then comes midterms and you have stressed yourself out so much that you are giving up hope of improvement. Think of this, everyone else in your class thinks the same thing about you. Would you be encouraged to try harder? You should because somewhere in your life there is that one person that is routing for you and believes more in you than you do in yourself. And it seems whenever you reach that point where you want to give up you either remember who believes in you or that person has an encouraging word for you. There is always that person that looks up to you and admires your gifts, talents, and achievements that you may not even consider important. When it some down to it if you are doing your best and are using the gifts given to you for the best of your ability then you have nothing to be ashamed of. The biggest failures in life are the ones that never even try, but the successful ones are the ones who may have tried just about everything to find what they are the best at. Keep trying, don't give up.

Enjoy every moment and be encouraged

Moments in our lives that we may not find interesting or important should not be rushed. Every experience and situation shapes us into the person that we will one day be. Think of all the great people that there are that went through hard times that they didn't even want to deal with. But it was not until they went through those trials that they became stronger. Think about that the next time you face a challenge that you may want to rush or give up on. Stop to look at what you could be when that situation is over.


Just a little motivation to encourage you. I will begin writing my inspriational book soon.... I'll keep you updated on when it comes out.

Words cannot express....

I was talking with some friends last night about how life is for us right now. And in trying to explain to them how I felt about the past few weeks I couldn't. I didn't know what to say, how to say it, or where to start. I am seriously at a loss for words. At this point I don't think anyone but God will understand and I am not going to attempt to try either. Somethings are just better left unsaid. There are just sometimes when people have to take a minute and try to figure out things on their own. Hey.... here's an interesting question... have you ever regretted wanting to be grown up too quickly? I think I do....actually I know I do.....until next time..

Burnout!!

Ok I am majoring in Nursing and Fitness & Wellness and it getting tough. It's not that I don't want to do it(even though I was rethinking my career a few weeks ago) I know what I want to do and I'm excited to do it. But now it seems that I don't have enough time in the day to it all. I feel so overwhelmed and I honestly want to give up at times. Classes are no joke this year. I am still trying to order books and keep up my grades. All in all I know God is on my side because certain things have worked out that I know only God could handle. Though I feel overwhelmed I am not failing thank God. I am claiming that I make it to the end of this semester. the funny thing is that I fall asleep studying now. I have never done that before. I'll be reading one minute and nodding off the next that is too funny(I used to laugh at people that I saw sleeping like that.) Talking with my fellow nursing majors helps me not to give up. We are all burnout and are not healthy at all right now. We are probably the most unhealthy students on Oakwood's campus. We eat in class, we sleep while studying or in class , and we have no social life. Man if we're like this now will it get any worse when we get jobs or maybe they're just trying to prepare us for our jobs as nurses. Its so crazy how the people who have to constantly take care of others do not have time to care for themselves.

Don't get me wrong now I love it, I really do. Anytime I get a chance to watch tv I am watching Discovery Health or a Sports channel. I love what I'm doing but I'm just a littl tired right now.

Just wanted to update on school life. Lata.

Starting over

Have you ever felt like you got a new start and you have wiped your slate clean? I feel liek that right now with my my school work, jobs and my personal relationships. It is so crazy how time can change things. There are some people that I never though would actually be my friends and then something happened and now I have some more friends. I am very happy today for some reason and I am ready to take on anything. I feel like superwoman and my superpowers are God. I love everything about my life right now. And though I have a burden on my heart for some of the people in my life all I can do is be there for them and be true and loyal to them. Today is friday and I am ready for the Sabbath I really feel like celebrating. I have reched a new place and though I have my down days(alot of them this week) the only place I can go from here is up.
Live, Love, Life.

Happy Birthday to Me!!!!

Today is my 20th birthday. I am happy but sad. I'm happy because I lived another year of life and I'm growing up. I am sad because I am getting old and I'm scared. I have accomplished so much already and I don't know what the future holds because nothing is guaranteed. I keep thinking that I am two DECADES old. TWO DECADES!! That's a long time. Anyway I am in shock also because I am no longer a teenager. I'm in my 20's!!! Time for the big social life to begin!! Bring on the men who are about something, who have goals and who love the Lord more than themselves.
My birthday wishlist includes a camera (Canon A95), a new pair of fresh white air force ones (size 6 youth), money (and lots of it a sister is broke), and a good God-fearing man(yea I said it and it won't hurt if he is tall, 6ft, dark and handsome....Morris Chestnut....lol).

This weekend my friend Raquel left for Argentina. It seemed bittersweet because theough we were all happy for her and she was happy to go she and all of us were a little apprehensive about letting go. It's as if we are living vicariously through her, lol.

So Kelle I know you'll read this, eventually, so we love you and we miss you already. WE know you're going to reach the highest heights and you've just got started.

Ok now that I'm leaving again Happy Birthday to me and Raquel "You go girl".

Marriage right around the corner?.....(I'm running)

Yesterday I went to a wedding where a guy who went to my same high school got married. I still can't believe he's married. I was sitting in the wedding saying to my friends he is really getting married. It was just too surreal to think back to our GAAA days and say to myself again this dude is really serious. At the reception I was talking to another guy that went to our school and he said the same thing. He actually said its hard to believe that we are of age to get married. I've always looked at marrige as something far, far away but it could be closer than I thought.

I'm not looking at marriage right now I just want to enjoy life. So Bring on the Men!!!!

Why did we want to grow up again?

As a child things were so easy. Life events wern't as hard as we though they were and we had dreams that we could achieve anything. But as we got older we saw how hard life can be and that it spares no one. all the bumpes an dhurdes in life are supposed to make us stronger but when they happen we only want to crawl under a rock and never come out again.
About 6 years ago my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. It was devastating to our family but grandmother waws one of those people wo didn't like to let things get to her. She was the type to determine what she was going to make out of life. She was strong and never wanted to give up, she wanted to continue doing things like she used to. But the cancer was too much for her. Throughout all of the struggling I never remember my grandmother sying that she wanted to give up until the last ime I talked to her. She told me that she was praying for all of us that the Lord will take care of us when she was gone. I didn't even know what to say when she said that. I was kinda shocked that she could be so blunt about it but that was her. Less than a month later my grandmother passed and though I was sad I know that she wanted to go.
I am writing about this because my friend told me that her grandfather is not doing very well right now. I don't even know what to tell her because I don't know how my family made it through this far. Death is so hard to deal with and its a wonder why we want to saty on thei earth instead of trying to get to heaven where there will be no sadness. I can't wait to see that day.
We wanted so much to be grown (and we still do sometimes) but when we get all of life's blows we don't want to deal with them. So many dreams we had for lives are completely gone and done with and we have made our plans that are easier to attain. All I'm trying to say is life is hard and we have to first trust in God, keep up our faith and do our best to encourage each other. Even though we are here in this wretched place the Lord's blessings are still coming and they will continue to come as long as we keep trusting in Him.

A new Begininging

Well the school year has begun and I am doing the impossible, LIVING WITHOUT INTERNET!! Oh the Horror!! It's so crazy cause its so hard to live without but I'm surviving. I'm in my own apartment and I am on my own( not completely but for the most part.) Anyway I am broke and I have an interview tomorrow for a job that I need desperately.

This school year I am doing alot. I'm basically about living life to the fullest this year. I am taking more classes than usual, trying to work two jobs, trying to get involved in sports, work on the yearbook committee and meet as many people as possible since I'm stayed in my room alot the past two years. I'm seriously going to enjoy this school year and so far I am. My brother is here with me and that's been fun having him here with me.

Life is a little hard though at times and I'm already feeling overwelmed with school. I am claiming the promise that through God all things are possible and that my grades will be really good this semester. I want to make God apart my life so much that everything else just falls into place. I just feel so busy and my mind is always going and racing. I don't have much time to relax anymore but I'm going to pace myself so that I don't have a nervous breakdown.

Anyway that is the update for now I will try to keep up even without internet(teardrop).
Lata people!!

A Reason, Season, or Lifetime?

I think I am one of the few people I know who really believed that the friends that I have in my teenage years I can take into my adult years. I always thought my friends and I were good enough to each other and loved each other enough that nothing would break us apart. But time has a way of showing us what is really there and true natures. It is kinda disappointing to me that this is happeneing because it seems that my personal world is not what I always thought it was. So right now I'm at the point where I am reevaluating friendships and figuring out which friendships are worth saving. I'm not saying that I don't love my friends because I do. The problem is that even though I have loved them the way I expected them to love me and I didn't get that love in return. I'm gonna still love them but not all friends are not gonna last forever sadly. Some people are placed in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime and only time will tell which friends will last a lifetime.

Thank God for forgiveness

I am so glad that when we make mistakes we can be forgiven. It seems that the one area that we seem to be strong in seems to be the first area that we fail in. When we put too much confidence in ourselves we lose what we have worked so hard to build up. My advice to everyone is to never put oo much confidence in yourself because at the most unrecognizable moment something will happen to make us question everything about ourselves. The areas that I believed I was strong in are the areas that I let my guard down because I had my confidence in myself and not in God. Now my prayer is that I take time to put my faith in God and not myself. There is alot more to this situation but I'll just leave it at that.

Recently one of my friends had her heart broken and I always wonder why God allows us to feel that kind of pain. Then I remember that everytime that we do something that He does not approve of that is how he feels. A broken heart is one of the worst pains to deal with and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I just wish each of our lives came with a handbook to let us know what is coming and how we should deal with situations. At least a little sneak peak at the future. But then life would not have its suprises and everything would be boring but extremely drama free( that would be great). But like one of my boys always says "Such is life and life goes on..."

Goodnite. Pray for me Kelle and Lynn and I'll pray for you too.

Weekend into the School Year

I had a really good weekend. Church was good and after I spent some time with friends and with family. I later went back to church and my friends and I were deciding what to do for the night. We were planning to go to the movies but ended up going out to eat. It was fun and we enjoyed each others company more than we enjoyed the food. Nothin special we just wanted to spend some time out of the house with friends before we all went back to school or would be away from each other. I'm gonna miss my friends but I know that seeing them again will be much more fun. I'm gonna be leaving my home and my comfort zone in a week and I'm kinda apprehensive of what I'll be meeting when I go back to Huntsville. I don't know if I'm ready to go back to studying, being in a "limited" environment, not having the people I grew up with around me and not having my parents to lean on when I don't want to be an adult. But at the same time I can't wait to chill with my girls again and finally be on my own. It is all so exciting but so scary and I am not rushing my summer to an end. I want to enjoy the last of it because I know once I get my first test I'll want to be back home watching tv all day all over again. (wink, wink) Lata.

Don't Give Up

Do you remember giving up on something as a child? Like playing the piano or a sport? Well I did but I wish that I had practiced all those times that my parents told me "Don't waste my money!" I started playing the saxophone when I was in sixth grade (about 8 years ago...a loooong time). Anyway I loved my instrument when I started playing and I didn't know any girls who played it so I loved that too. But because I was not constantly taking lessons and had no competition to give me motivation I wouldn't play until the week before I had to perform. Its so sad because I would practice for that one week and do a good job but didn't think about if I practiced more how good I would be now! I kinda want to go back in time and slap myself.

Anyway I have been trying to practice more and get to where I think I should be but its difficult and quite discouraging. I'm trying to be a trooper though and keep on trying. I don't want to ever give up on anything again. Cause I don't want to look back and wish that I had did something different.

Thats all for now. Nite.

And the morale of today's story is.....

My friends and I say that most of the time all we want is someone to give us a little attention. We are not being demanding but we are just trying to get back the love that we give out to others. Anyway let me tell you what happened to me. I have a friend who I didn't really know much about. Well this friend and I started talking more often and we have been getting to know each other better. I personally think that we found out too much about each other too soon. I think we may have crossed the line when it comes to what you should know about a friend. Don't get me wrong he is a good friend but I really think that there should be a limit to what you tell a friend and how soon. I found myself feeling uneasy around him and that is so not like me.

But in other news I am trying to get ready to go back to school. Just thinking about school has been so difficult for me. I don't want to think about it but at the same time I am sitting at home everyday doing nothing. I want to go because I feel like I'm wasting away but school is so demanding and I'm a nursing major! For all those who don't know its difficult okay... And I miss my friends Raquel, Deanna, Danielle, Mellena, Hermique, Melanie, Michele, oh yea and Jailyn too (even though she is not that far away). Yea okay that is all for me today. The morale of today's lesson is "Be Careful What You Ask For". Adios People.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Matthew 7:7&8.

I am asking, I belive it and I'm claiming my blessing. And I am thanking the Lord in advance. :)

Respect is Earned not Given

I think it really hurts to know that someone you admire and respect does not respect you as much as you respect them. The greatest of friends are the ones that respect your opinion despite your differences. I have learned that people have opinions and it matters how you state your opinion in understanding and not the offend the other person. Because once a person begins to feel offended it is no longer a discussion but lawyers both defending their cases with their best defense. I know that I personally do not agree with everything that people do but who am I to tell them how to run their lives? People have to make their own choices and they come up with their own opinions. Just respecting how a person feels can be all the difference between a FRIEND or an AQUAINTANCE.

JUST A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE FOR YOU TO THINK ABOUT.....pEACE

Reminders

Okay, okay. Let me tell u about my day, well part of it. I went to a friends how to practice with other friends and I had an interesting experience. We spent most of the time talking and it wasn't what we were talking about but how the conversation was going. Back in the day we would have conversations like that but it wasn't about the same topics. Because we are all grown now, we can speak of different things because of our age. It was enlightening to me because it shows that we are all really grown up now. We are not that grown where we can have children and get married but we are getting there. Some sooner than others. It reminded me of what we werelike when we were younger and it gave me a glimpse of what we may be like when we get older. (Man life goes by so quickly...)I just wanted to share because it has become clear to me that life passes us by too quickly and we need to stop and take the time to enjoy it. Okay thats all I wanted to share. Nite...

Doing big things, lol

So there is hope for reaching my goal still. I know I only have a month left of summer vacation but so many job opportunities are coming up now and I hope that they work out. I am now a certified nursing assistant and home health aide so that is an option. And I am truly being positive about what could happen at this point.

This summer has been an eye-opener for me. I am learned so much about myself and the summer isn't over so I know there is more that I am going to learn. Taking chances and trying new things has not been on my top priorities for the last few years and I have stuck to what was comfortable for me. But now I am stepping out of my comfort zone and trying new things not drastically but just enough so I can get more life experience. Its crazy but I'm ready to grow up, meaning look and act like a grown-up. (Though I still look like I'm in high school.) But basically what I'm trying to do is spice up my life. lol. I know it sounds strange but sometimes you have to step out your comfort zone and take some chances no matter what you may think the outcome may be. Ok thats all folks. G'nite.

Okay....

I really I have nothing to write about at least nothing I would like to tell. I'm just here...in Lithonia...hoping that I will make some more money before the summer is over. My brother and I feel like bums cause we hardly worked this summer. Its all good though cause one day I'm gonna have a degree and I'll be able to get a job....I hope.
Anyway on a brighter note I enjoyed myself on the 4th of July I went to a barbeque and then a party with some friends. It wasn't so much what was going on but the people that I saw that made me enjoy myself. I saw some of my cousins and friends that I have not seen in years and its good to see that they are ok seeing as though we don't call each other. Yea but its always good to see old friends....
Well I think that is about all for tonight. Goodnight.

Social life? What's that?

Well this summer has honestlty been a little boring for me. Not enough "good" excitement. I just stay home and chill basically. I do not have much freedom here and I'm used to it but I want change. I thought when I reached this age that I would have endless things to do and people to see. Boy was I wrong. Anyway I can honestly say that i miss Oakwood but for one reason only. Because I had somewhat of a social life there. That is the only, only reason that I say I want to go back. Blockbuster has gotten too much of my time and money this summer. I'm gonna be 20 soon and I do nothing but stay home. I don't have a problem with being home but I would like to have the option of doing something other than watching movies. Yea as you can see I'm just venting I'll be better in the morning. Goodnight.