Go after it...

Life is entirely too precious to waste on the things and people who do not really matter to us. Many times we hang on to things that are not worth hanging on to. Or sometimes we hang on to things without knowing why and we end up taking them for granted. I read a book yesterday that was so captivting that I read it in one day. In the book one of the main characters was a woman that was searching for love in all the wrong places as usual. And though she had an interest in someone she decided in herself that he wasn't in her league and that he had to be taken. Later on in the book she ended up meeting this man and they hit it off. Just when the story was getting picture perfect and they were engaged, she was murdered. The book ended in a sad way but I was not necessarily upset about the ending. Life is really like that sometimes and we waste time not going after what we want and think could possibly happen. I'm not saying take every chance that there is because most decisions need alot of thought. But why not give some extra thought cause you never know what can happen. Do not waste your life, take chances but don't take chances that will cause you to waste your life. Lata People.
Please let me know what you think, cause I'm still contemplating on this.

Holidays are for families

In case you didn't realize Holidays are for families, friends and all the people that you love. Some of most bad times occur on holidays with families and when you can look back at the situations and laugh it is wonderful. I love my family so much and we're all going to be together again this Christmas. This will be my first Christmas with both sides of my family to together (this should be exciting). The only sad thing is that my grandmother is not with us, but its alright because I am hoping to see her again one day.

I am in New York right now and I have been spending alot of time with my cousin. We are so alike (stobborn and headstrong) that I hope we don't fight while I'm here. I love her with all my heart and I feel that she is my twin but I'm afraid that we're going to bite each others heads off. But yea we're going to have fun anyway, cause I don't know whwne I'm going to be able to see her again.

To my girls: Jailyn, Melanie, Candace, Raquel, Deanna, Mellena, Danielle, Jaquece and Hermique Happy Holidays Ladies!! Hugs all around and not too much bubbly. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Well I'm signing off now, Merry Christmas to all. Enjoy it no matter who its with.

Got Standards?

There are many reasons why our generation is called "Generation X". One of the main reasons is the lack of morals and standards that are set. It seems like no one cares who does what with whom or about their reputations. Then there are few and faithful who refuse to give in to the things that they do not believe in. Or even those who may venture out and do something but then decide that it is not something that they want to be apart of. Though the few and faithful may get discouraged sometimes about not being noticed, they should not be because it is seen by others. A friend of mine said that though guys may not say it they notice a strong female who has standards and honestly may be intimidated by that. So ladies if you are strong and know what you stand for and won't stand for then know that someone notices and admires your will-power. Even sometimes when we may make mistakes because of our curiousity we can say that it is all in growing and learning. One thing that those with standards take for granted is that way after they are set that they still believe in it and will have the backbone to stand for it. Don't be discouraged if you may have ventured away from what you believe but take a moment and get yourself together. And even if you haven't strayed away make sure that the standards you set are what you still believe. Don't take your will-power for granted but acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses and learn from your mistakes. And make sure that if you go against you standards that it is worth it and you won't regret it later.

December 20, 2005

It is 4 days before Christmas and I am just getting home. I drove back today to make a flight tomorrow morning to New York!! I might get a white Christmas this year. Its been so long since I've had a Christmas in NY. I have great expectations about this Christmas break. Not necessarilly presents but to have fun with my family. Merry Christmas and Season's Greetings to all!!

What if?....

What if we were to go back to the days where we didn't have cell phones and we could only send letters and not emails? What if we walked more and drove less? What if there wasn't a McDonald's only every corner and we had to cook our food every day!!! What if we stopped paying attention to the little insignificant things in life and started paying attention to the things that really matter? Then we would have to acknowledge what really matters... Technology was made to make our lives simpler but they have really made them more complicated. We just have more to worry about. If we didn't have cell phones we wouldn't have to worry about paying bills and having a job to pay those bills. If we didn't have cars we wouldn't have to worry about making sure our rides looked good cause we would all be walking. We wouldn't have to worry about our health because we would walk all, the freaking time! Now if you really think about it have technology made us better or our lives simpler? Ok, in some ways yes but for the most part no. But we have gotten so accustomed to having a gadget somewhere around us at all times that it almost seems impossible to live without. What happened to the days of just hopin that you would have a quater when you saw a pay phone? Though these gadgets are for our leisure lets not forget why they were invented in the first place. Don't get me wrong now I love, love gadgets but I have noticed that I can't seem to go anywhere without something electronic with me and I'm not sure if I like that kind of dependency.

Just something to think about... Like when you leave your cell at home and your entire day seems to just go wrong?... For a cell phone?

Ready for the Truth?

I got a real reality check today. I have always thought that my personality has been one that just about anyone could deal with and understand. I always knew I could be mean but I would have never considered myself a mean person. A friend of mine shed some light on me this morning whe I asked her a honest question. It has just hit me though what all of my friends have been saying all along. They think I'm moody when to me it is just that I don't have anything to say or I'm thinking about things so I don't talk. I knida feel like I might be misunderstood but at the same time I am going to take this opportunity to see what it is that I can change about myself. I know all my friends probably think that I am an evil witch but I'm really not I care about all of them and if I have ever hurt or offended them in anyway because of my attitude then I apologize.

Winding down

The countdown has begun for the last few days of school. There is only one more full week of school and then it is finals!! This semester went by very quickly and throughout all the stressed times we still managed to enjoy ourselves. All that stressing and we have made it out okay. It makes you wonder if you really needed to stress yourself out in the first place. Many times we have wondered what the point of school was anyway. It seems like all it does is make you tired and want to lose your religion. But all in all we have made it through more that half way. We are at the end of the race and we need to finsh the race strong so that we will reach the finish line. "The race is nto for the swift but fo rthose who persevere to the end."

"Imagine Me"

I love Kirk Franklin's new cd there are so many songs that speak out to me. One song in particular I love is called Imagine me. It talks about the obstacles in life we face and how in the end it seems almost unimaginable that we came that far. I know all of my friends can attest to this in one way or the other. These are the words...

Verse1:

Imagine me, loving what I see when the, mirror looks at me cause I, I imagine me, in a place, of no insecurities and I’ am finally happy cause, I imagine me, Letting go, of all of the ones who hurt me, cause they never did deserve me, can you imagine me, saying no to thoughts that try to control me remembering all you told me Lord can you imagine me, over what my mamma said and, healed from what my daddy did and, I wanna live and not read that page again.

Chrous:

Imagine me, being free trusting you totally finally I can imagine me I admit it was hard to see you being in love with some one like me finally I can imagine me.

Verse 2:

Being strong and not letting people bring me down you won’t get that joy this time around can you imagine, in a world where nobody has to live afraid because of your love fears gone away Lord can you imagine me

Bridge:

Letting go of my past and glad I have another chance and my heart will dance cause I don’t have to read that page again.

Right now this song is really speaking to me. The song equates life to pages in a book. And just like the words in the song there are some pages that I don't want to read again. I read somehting that said, "Every minute that you are upset is a minute of happiness that you won't be able to get back." This is to all my friends who haven't let go of the past though they may believe that they have. Just imagine what we could be if we did. We all want the best for each other so why not try to let it go? Just imagine it...

My Boo?

Ok think back to the past, to your first love, like or someone special. Next think on how you've moved beyond it and may be cordial or even friends with that person now. You think you've got all your feelings in check and then someone asks you, "Hey what about you and so and so?" And you're like, "what? thats in the past!". Then someone else asks you and then someone else. And you know that it isn't conspiracy so you start wondering "What about me and so and so?" Don't you hate when that happens? But wait here's the icing on the cake. The song by Usher and Alicia Keys comes on, "My Boo". By then you're really wondering, "Should I give that another chance?" But you come back to your senses when you have an interaction with that someone that makes you remember why it didn't work out in the first place.
I was just pondering on this because of how much this seems to happen. Everyone who thinks they know you wants to hook you up with the person from your past. Live and make your own decisions.

P.U.S.H.

This week was good. Despite the constant school work I was fine. I felt like I had an extra boost of energy that was not usually me. That's how I know it was God. I asked Him to help me handle this school work and he did. Thank you Lord for everything.

Nothing even matters

It is the beginging of November and usually everyone would be wrapped up tightly in sweaters and scarves, but not right now! It is 79 degrees today! I feel like I am wearing too many clothes. Everyone is loving the weather you can tell. Its giving everyone a nice pleasant spirit. I was talking to one of my girls yesterday and we were saying that we were really happy but we didn't know why. I think it was because of the weather. This weather is making me forget all of my worries that I have had for the past few weeks and just relax. It really seems like nothing even matters. Another friend I was talking to said that though we aren't stressing we are working as hard as any other time. I thank God for this weather and for keeping all pleasant even if it is only for the time being. Enjoy the sunshine while it lasts.

When you reach your breaking point....

Ok so you're going through the semester and you have that one class that is just not working with you. It seems as though no matter how much you study and extra work that you practice that you are not getting the grades that you want. In your mind the teacher hates you just because your not doing well. You might even feel like the slowest person in your class. Then comes midterms and you have stressed yourself out so much that you are giving up hope of improvement. Think of this, everyone else in your class thinks the same thing about you. Would you be encouraged to try harder? You should because somewhere in your life there is that one person that is routing for you and believes more in you than you do in yourself. And it seems whenever you reach that point where you want to give up you either remember who believes in you or that person has an encouraging word for you. There is always that person that looks up to you and admires your gifts, talents, and achievements that you may not even consider important. When it some down to it if you are doing your best and are using the gifts given to you for the best of your ability then you have nothing to be ashamed of. The biggest failures in life are the ones that never even try, but the successful ones are the ones who may have tried just about everything to find what they are the best at. Keep trying, don't give up.

Enjoy every moment and be encouraged

Moments in our lives that we may not find interesting or important should not be rushed. Every experience and situation shapes us into the person that we will one day be. Think of all the great people that there are that went through hard times that they didn't even want to deal with. But it was not until they went through those trials that they became stronger. Think about that the next time you face a challenge that you may want to rush or give up on. Stop to look at what you could be when that situation is over.


Just a little motivation to encourage you. I will begin writing my inspriational book soon.... I'll keep you updated on when it comes out.

Words cannot express....

I was talking with some friends last night about how life is for us right now. And in trying to explain to them how I felt about the past few weeks I couldn't. I didn't know what to say, how to say it, or where to start. I am seriously at a loss for words. At this point I don't think anyone but God will understand and I am not going to attempt to try either. Somethings are just better left unsaid. There are just sometimes when people have to take a minute and try to figure out things on their own. Hey.... here's an interesting question... have you ever regretted wanting to be grown up too quickly? I think I do....actually I know I do.....until next time..

Burnout!!

Ok I am majoring in Nursing and Fitness & Wellness and it getting tough. It's not that I don't want to do it(even though I was rethinking my career a few weeks ago) I know what I want to do and I'm excited to do it. But now it seems that I don't have enough time in the day to it all. I feel so overwhelmed and I honestly want to give up at times. Classes are no joke this year. I am still trying to order books and keep up my grades. All in all I know God is on my side because certain things have worked out that I know only God could handle. Though I feel overwhelmed I am not failing thank God. I am claiming that I make it to the end of this semester. the funny thing is that I fall asleep studying now. I have never done that before. I'll be reading one minute and nodding off the next that is too funny(I used to laugh at people that I saw sleeping like that.) Talking with my fellow nursing majors helps me not to give up. We are all burnout and are not healthy at all right now. We are probably the most unhealthy students on Oakwood's campus. We eat in class, we sleep while studying or in class , and we have no social life. Man if we're like this now will it get any worse when we get jobs or maybe they're just trying to prepare us for our jobs as nurses. Its so crazy how the people who have to constantly take care of others do not have time to care for themselves.

Don't get me wrong now I love it, I really do. Anytime I get a chance to watch tv I am watching Discovery Health or a Sports channel. I love what I'm doing but I'm just a littl tired right now.

Just wanted to update on school life. Lata.

Starting over

Have you ever felt like you got a new start and you have wiped your slate clean? I feel liek that right now with my my school work, jobs and my personal relationships. It is so crazy how time can change things. There are some people that I never though would actually be my friends and then something happened and now I have some more friends. I am very happy today for some reason and I am ready to take on anything. I feel like superwoman and my superpowers are God. I love everything about my life right now. And though I have a burden on my heart for some of the people in my life all I can do is be there for them and be true and loyal to them. Today is friday and I am ready for the Sabbath I really feel like celebrating. I have reched a new place and though I have my down days(alot of them this week) the only place I can go from here is up.
Live, Love, Life.

Happy Birthday to Me!!!!

Today is my 20th birthday. I am happy but sad. I'm happy because I lived another year of life and I'm growing up. I am sad because I am getting old and I'm scared. I have accomplished so much already and I don't know what the future holds because nothing is guaranteed. I keep thinking that I am two DECADES old. TWO DECADES!! That's a long time. Anyway I am in shock also because I am no longer a teenager. I'm in my 20's!!! Time for the big social life to begin!! Bring on the men who are about something, who have goals and who love the Lord more than themselves.
My birthday wishlist includes a camera (Canon A95), a new pair of fresh white air force ones (size 6 youth), money (and lots of it a sister is broke), and a good God-fearing man(yea I said it and it won't hurt if he is tall, 6ft, dark and handsome....Morris Chestnut....lol).

This weekend my friend Raquel left for Argentina. It seemed bittersweet because theough we were all happy for her and she was happy to go she and all of us were a little apprehensive about letting go. It's as if we are living vicariously through her, lol.

So Kelle I know you'll read this, eventually, so we love you and we miss you already. WE know you're going to reach the highest heights and you've just got started.

Ok now that I'm leaving again Happy Birthday to me and Raquel "You go girl".

Marriage right around the corner?.....(I'm running)

Yesterday I went to a wedding where a guy who went to my same high school got married. I still can't believe he's married. I was sitting in the wedding saying to my friends he is really getting married. It was just too surreal to think back to our GAAA days and say to myself again this dude is really serious. At the reception I was talking to another guy that went to our school and he said the same thing. He actually said its hard to believe that we are of age to get married. I've always looked at marrige as something far, far away but it could be closer than I thought.

I'm not looking at marriage right now I just want to enjoy life. So Bring on the Men!!!!

Why did we want to grow up again?

As a child things were so easy. Life events wern't as hard as we though they were and we had dreams that we could achieve anything. But as we got older we saw how hard life can be and that it spares no one. all the bumpes an dhurdes in life are supposed to make us stronger but when they happen we only want to crawl under a rock and never come out again.
About 6 years ago my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. It was devastating to our family but grandmother waws one of those people wo didn't like to let things get to her. She was the type to determine what she was going to make out of life. She was strong and never wanted to give up, she wanted to continue doing things like she used to. But the cancer was too much for her. Throughout all of the struggling I never remember my grandmother sying that she wanted to give up until the last ime I talked to her. She told me that she was praying for all of us that the Lord will take care of us when she was gone. I didn't even know what to say when she said that. I was kinda shocked that she could be so blunt about it but that was her. Less than a month later my grandmother passed and though I was sad I know that she wanted to go.
I am writing about this because my friend told me that her grandfather is not doing very well right now. I don't even know what to tell her because I don't know how my family made it through this far. Death is so hard to deal with and its a wonder why we want to saty on thei earth instead of trying to get to heaven where there will be no sadness. I can't wait to see that day.
We wanted so much to be grown (and we still do sometimes) but when we get all of life's blows we don't want to deal with them. So many dreams we had for lives are completely gone and done with and we have made our plans that are easier to attain. All I'm trying to say is life is hard and we have to first trust in God, keep up our faith and do our best to encourage each other. Even though we are here in this wretched place the Lord's blessings are still coming and they will continue to come as long as we keep trusting in Him.

A new Begininging

Well the school year has begun and I am doing the impossible, LIVING WITHOUT INTERNET!! Oh the Horror!! It's so crazy cause its so hard to live without but I'm surviving. I'm in my own apartment and I am on my own( not completely but for the most part.) Anyway I am broke and I have an interview tomorrow for a job that I need desperately.

This school year I am doing alot. I'm basically about living life to the fullest this year. I am taking more classes than usual, trying to work two jobs, trying to get involved in sports, work on the yearbook committee and meet as many people as possible since I'm stayed in my room alot the past two years. I'm seriously going to enjoy this school year and so far I am. My brother is here with me and that's been fun having him here with me.

Life is a little hard though at times and I'm already feeling overwelmed with school. I am claiming the promise that through God all things are possible and that my grades will be really good this semester. I want to make God apart my life so much that everything else just falls into place. I just feel so busy and my mind is always going and racing. I don't have much time to relax anymore but I'm going to pace myself so that I don't have a nervous breakdown.

Anyway that is the update for now I will try to keep up even without internet(teardrop).
Lata people!!

A Reason, Season, or Lifetime?

I think I am one of the few people I know who really believed that the friends that I have in my teenage years I can take into my adult years. I always thought my friends and I were good enough to each other and loved each other enough that nothing would break us apart. But time has a way of showing us what is really there and true natures. It is kinda disappointing to me that this is happeneing because it seems that my personal world is not what I always thought it was. So right now I'm at the point where I am reevaluating friendships and figuring out which friendships are worth saving. I'm not saying that I don't love my friends because I do. The problem is that even though I have loved them the way I expected them to love me and I didn't get that love in return. I'm gonna still love them but not all friends are not gonna last forever sadly. Some people are placed in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime and only time will tell which friends will last a lifetime.

Thank God for forgiveness

I am so glad that when we make mistakes we can be forgiven. It seems that the one area that we seem to be strong in seems to be the first area that we fail in. When we put too much confidence in ourselves we lose what we have worked so hard to build up. My advice to everyone is to never put oo much confidence in yourself because at the most unrecognizable moment something will happen to make us question everything about ourselves. The areas that I believed I was strong in are the areas that I let my guard down because I had my confidence in myself and not in God. Now my prayer is that I take time to put my faith in God and not myself. There is alot more to this situation but I'll just leave it at that.

Recently one of my friends had her heart broken and I always wonder why God allows us to feel that kind of pain. Then I remember that everytime that we do something that He does not approve of that is how he feels. A broken heart is one of the worst pains to deal with and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I just wish each of our lives came with a handbook to let us know what is coming and how we should deal with situations. At least a little sneak peak at the future. But then life would not have its suprises and everything would be boring but extremely drama free( that would be great). But like one of my boys always says "Such is life and life goes on..."

Goodnite. Pray for me Kelle and Lynn and I'll pray for you too.

Weekend into the School Year

I had a really good weekend. Church was good and after I spent some time with friends and with family. I later went back to church and my friends and I were deciding what to do for the night. We were planning to go to the movies but ended up going out to eat. It was fun and we enjoyed each others company more than we enjoyed the food. Nothin special we just wanted to spend some time out of the house with friends before we all went back to school or would be away from each other. I'm gonna miss my friends but I know that seeing them again will be much more fun. I'm gonna be leaving my home and my comfort zone in a week and I'm kinda apprehensive of what I'll be meeting when I go back to Huntsville. I don't know if I'm ready to go back to studying, being in a "limited" environment, not having the people I grew up with around me and not having my parents to lean on when I don't want to be an adult. But at the same time I can't wait to chill with my girls again and finally be on my own. It is all so exciting but so scary and I am not rushing my summer to an end. I want to enjoy the last of it because I know once I get my first test I'll want to be back home watching tv all day all over again. (wink, wink) Lata.

Don't Give Up

Do you remember giving up on something as a child? Like playing the piano or a sport? Well I did but I wish that I had practiced all those times that my parents told me "Don't waste my money!" I started playing the saxophone when I was in sixth grade (about 8 years ago...a loooong time). Anyway I loved my instrument when I started playing and I didn't know any girls who played it so I loved that too. But because I was not constantly taking lessons and had no competition to give me motivation I wouldn't play until the week before I had to perform. Its so sad because I would practice for that one week and do a good job but didn't think about if I practiced more how good I would be now! I kinda want to go back in time and slap myself.

Anyway I have been trying to practice more and get to where I think I should be but its difficult and quite discouraging. I'm trying to be a trooper though and keep on trying. I don't want to ever give up on anything again. Cause I don't want to look back and wish that I had did something different.

Thats all for now. Nite.

And the morale of today's story is.....

My friends and I say that most of the time all we want is someone to give us a little attention. We are not being demanding but we are just trying to get back the love that we give out to others. Anyway let me tell you what happened to me. I have a friend who I didn't really know much about. Well this friend and I started talking more often and we have been getting to know each other better. I personally think that we found out too much about each other too soon. I think we may have crossed the line when it comes to what you should know about a friend. Don't get me wrong he is a good friend but I really think that there should be a limit to what you tell a friend and how soon. I found myself feeling uneasy around him and that is so not like me.

But in other news I am trying to get ready to go back to school. Just thinking about school has been so difficult for me. I don't want to think about it but at the same time I am sitting at home everyday doing nothing. I want to go because I feel like I'm wasting away but school is so demanding and I'm a nursing major! For all those who don't know its difficult okay... And I miss my friends Raquel, Deanna, Danielle, Mellena, Hermique, Melanie, Michele, oh yea and Jailyn too (even though she is not that far away). Yea okay that is all for me today. The morale of today's lesson is "Be Careful What You Ask For". Adios People.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Matthew 7:7&8.

I am asking, I belive it and I'm claiming my blessing. And I am thanking the Lord in advance. :)

Respect is Earned not Given

I think it really hurts to know that someone you admire and respect does not respect you as much as you respect them. The greatest of friends are the ones that respect your opinion despite your differences. I have learned that people have opinions and it matters how you state your opinion in understanding and not the offend the other person. Because once a person begins to feel offended it is no longer a discussion but lawyers both defending their cases with their best defense. I know that I personally do not agree with everything that people do but who am I to tell them how to run their lives? People have to make their own choices and they come up with their own opinions. Just respecting how a person feels can be all the difference between a FRIEND or an AQUAINTANCE.

JUST A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE FOR YOU TO THINK ABOUT.....pEACE

Reminders

Okay, okay. Let me tell u about my day, well part of it. I went to a friends how to practice with other friends and I had an interesting experience. We spent most of the time talking and it wasn't what we were talking about but how the conversation was going. Back in the day we would have conversations like that but it wasn't about the same topics. Because we are all grown now, we can speak of different things because of our age. It was enlightening to me because it shows that we are all really grown up now. We are not that grown where we can have children and get married but we are getting there. Some sooner than others. It reminded me of what we werelike when we were younger and it gave me a glimpse of what we may be like when we get older. (Man life goes by so quickly...)I just wanted to share because it has become clear to me that life passes us by too quickly and we need to stop and take the time to enjoy it. Okay thats all I wanted to share. Nite...

Doing big things, lol

So there is hope for reaching my goal still. I know I only have a month left of summer vacation but so many job opportunities are coming up now and I hope that they work out. I am now a certified nursing assistant and home health aide so that is an option. And I am truly being positive about what could happen at this point.

This summer has been an eye-opener for me. I am learned so much about myself and the summer isn't over so I know there is more that I am going to learn. Taking chances and trying new things has not been on my top priorities for the last few years and I have stuck to what was comfortable for me. But now I am stepping out of my comfort zone and trying new things not drastically but just enough so I can get more life experience. Its crazy but I'm ready to grow up, meaning look and act like a grown-up. (Though I still look like I'm in high school.) But basically what I'm trying to do is spice up my life. lol. I know it sounds strange but sometimes you have to step out your comfort zone and take some chances no matter what you may think the outcome may be. Ok thats all folks. G'nite.

Okay....

I really I have nothing to write about at least nothing I would like to tell. I'm just here...in Lithonia...hoping that I will make some more money before the summer is over. My brother and I feel like bums cause we hardly worked this summer. Its all good though cause one day I'm gonna have a degree and I'll be able to get a job....I hope.
Anyway on a brighter note I enjoyed myself on the 4th of July I went to a barbeque and then a party with some friends. It wasn't so much what was going on but the people that I saw that made me enjoy myself. I saw some of my cousins and friends that I have not seen in years and its good to see that they are ok seeing as though we don't call each other. Yea but its always good to see old friends....
Well I think that is about all for tonight. Goodnight.

Social life? What's that?

Well this summer has honestlty been a little boring for me. Not enough "good" excitement. I just stay home and chill basically. I do not have much freedom here and I'm used to it but I want change. I thought when I reached this age that I would have endless things to do and people to see. Boy was I wrong. Anyway I can honestly say that i miss Oakwood but for one reason only. Because I had somewhat of a social life there. That is the only, only reason that I say I want to go back. Blockbuster has gotten too much of my time and money this summer. I'm gonna be 20 soon and I do nothing but stay home. I don't have a problem with being home but I would like to have the option of doing something other than watching movies. Yea as you can see I'm just venting I'll be better in the morning. Goodnight.

Girlfriends

I was talking to a friend of mine tonight and he said that he was ready to go back to school. Even though he is not the first person to tell me that I was still a little shocked. My life may be quite boring right now but I would rather enjoy this boredom for as long as possible before I have to go back to studying.

What I miss the most is hanging out with my girls at school. When we go back this school year I won't be the same because everyone is doing their own thing and will be split up. I will miss all of our long talks and moments of acting silly to entertain ourselves. There are few females that I can call friends and this school year these ladies have increased that number for me. Apart of me wants us to stay together and really be like Girlfriends on TV, but sadly that is not realistic. I will miss all my girls but I hope that are friendships are strong enough that we will always remember each other and the times that we had together.

Mysterious Ways!!

You know sometimes there is that little voice telling us to do something and we don't do it and then we wished we had. Don't act like you haven't had that experience before I know I have. Anyway I know that have ignored that little voice many times thinking that I knew it all. Somestimes knowing when to listen to the voice can be so beneficial. I'm not going to go into detail but there are times that we don't think that God hears our prayers and crys but in he speaks to us we just don't hear him. But like I said before if you aren't listening for a little voice you're not going to hear him. Listen to the little voice even if it doesn't make sense. Believe me I can testify to doing things because I felt impressed to do so and it brought an outcome that I had been praying about. Sometimes it takes a little faith to hear God's voice.

There are signs everywhere

Whenever I have a problem I pray about it. It seems though that I never get a direct answer from God and my friends feel like that also. An experience this week has shown me that God does answer but when he answers we have to be really connected to him to hear him. God speaks through people many times. I know there are comments made by people that we may not like but sometimes that may be what God is trying to tell us. I was reading my devotion this morning and it was talking about this same topic using the story in 1 Kings 22:1-39. Its about Ahab and the prophet that he didn't like because the prophet never said anything that he wanted to hear. But the fact was that God was speaking through the prophet to Ahab and if he had listened he would not have died the way he did (read it you'll understand). My devotion basically said that there are real prophets as well as false prophets in our lives who will both claim to be telling us the truth. Anyway what I'm trying to say is that the signs are all around us. Whether or not we are able to see the signs depends on our relationship with God as well as the amount of interference there is between our antennas and God. Remember spiritual things are spiritually discerned, so don't expect an answer from God when your antenna is picking up things that have nothing to do with God. We constantly cry out to God to help us, show us and give us so much but often times we fail to do our part. I know that I have not done my part and I know that I may still fall but I know what was messing up my reception (come on get with the metaphors). I'm not perfect but I am willing to try....

Looking for L@ve

Everyone looks for love in some way, shape or form. There is a picture perfect love that everyone invisions (I think thats how you spell it) for themselves. For some it may be that story book fairy tale love, or love drawn together through fate. For me I long for that love where the person for me is my best friend literaly not by the title. Thats the reason I feel that it is so important to make friends because you never know who will turn out to be "the one" for you. As a female I know that there are females like myself who want many characteristics in a future mate and are just waiting. Sometimes I look at the males who have something to offer and it discourages me because everything that I want is not there. The warped world we live in has numerous counts of divorces, infidelity, and other forms of corruption. But I gain some hope when I see couples who have been together for years and could not be anymore in love. I look at their love and I hope that one day my husband and I will be able to say the same thing about our relationship. In my heart I'm still searching for my love and I know many other females are also (sorry guys I can only speak for the females). Believe me even though I am waiting for that "ONE" for me and I am in no way rushing into anything or willing to take it lightly. I will though continue looking to see what they males around me have to offer. For now I'll enjoy the love of my friends and family until that time comes for me. And if it doesn't I know that I will still be happy.

Thankful

I'm writing this because the last two posts I have been complaining about life and things that I cannot control. There are so many things given to us in the is world that we take for granted. Just being able to get up and walk on our own is a blessing cause there are many people who would give just about anything to be able to walk on their own. My grandmother is blind and the fact that she can't do that much for herself makes me thankful that I can see even when I'm squinting outside in the sun. I have seen to many incidents on the road lately where there was about to be an accident but somehow it didn't happen. Then I go home and see trunks on fire on the highway. There are so many little things in life that we want or take for granted and we forget the bigger picture. The most important things in our lives should be the people that we love. These are the only things in life that cannot be replaced. Cars, houses and even money can be replaced but a life cannot. Even the people that we consider enemies are family to someone else and they are loved by someone. So imagine if the person that we loved the most in our families had someone out there that hated them as much as we hate our enemies. Losing my other grandmother two months ago has opened my eyes to see that you have to live for right now while planning for the future. Love the people around you right now cause there is no telling how much longer you will have them. There are so many gifts that God has given us to cherish and we have taken them and treated them horribly. Just being able to hear my grandmother crack jokes with the rest of us and cook for us again would make me so happy. But unfortunatley I can't get that back, all I have are the memories of the past because she cannot be replaced by anyone or anything.

Stressed!!

These past few days have been very difficult for me. I came home this summer with a plan that would give me a good start for the fall semester. It seems that almost all of my plans have fell through. I know I want God to work things through for me but I don't understand what is going on. I have some other options now to possibly become a nursing assistant and hopefully that will work for me. After that I have nothing else so if it doesn't work I'm done. There are so many things that I want for my life now and in the future and this summers incidents have discouraged me. I'm trying to think positive cause these types of incidents are much easier to deal with when you're poitive about them. I know that God is in control of my life and I want his guidance. But because I don't know what these situations are for I am becoming impatient. This is where the question "Let go and let God " or "Hold on for your blessing" comes in. What do you do when you don't know what to do? I don't know if that makes sense but that's how I feel. I am going to wait for God but in the meantime I'm going to work on thinking positively cause life is too short to constantly worry.

Just venting..

Its so crazy how most of our lives we have figured out and then when the time comes for something to happen it never does. Its like we do all that planning in vain. Sometimes I wonder if it is even worth wasting the time to make plans. I've heard some say that it does not work to make plans because they never work out but I'm not so sure if I agree with that. There are people who can plan their lives and their lives will go according to the plan. I know I'm not one of them I make plans and some work out and other don't. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if I'm not making the right plans. Either way I've learned to go with the flow. Sometimes life throws curve balls at us without us even knowing where they came from or how to react to them. Alot of times when stuff happens to me or don't happen to me I look up at the sky and I hope that God will peek out and let me know what's going on. Maybe let me in on some secret that will explain my life. I really want to go to heaven so I can ask God questions about my life and the people that have come into my life. I'm so confused...what to do?what to do? Anyway I'm not going to go into details about my personal business but I know I'm not the only one trying to hear God give me the answer to my problems. Until I get an answer I will look up at the sky and keep waiting.