Happy Birthday to me!

I'm am celebrating my 23rd birthday and I am amazed at where I am in my life. According to my plans I am so off track but because I know that God's plan has led me to this point.
I have so much to be thankful for! A wonderful family, great friends, food, shelter and clothing. I may not have everything that I want but I definitely have all that I need.
my car gave up the ghost last week but the crazy thing is I feel more free without. I do miss being able to come and go as I please and asking for rides hurts my ego, but I have used my two feet to get me where I needed to go. Now I know that walking isn't something that is commonly done in Huntsville but I do believe that every now and then it is necessary. It has been so refreshing to take a walk where I needed to go and let go of my usual time constraints that I put on everything.
Thank you Lord for another year of life and may lessons learned.

So Scared!

Fear can keep most people from doing certain things or going certain places. I know that I have personally let fear dictate my actions many times. Dreams that I have had I have kept to myself because of the thought of failure or that no one would believe that I could do it. Even revealing my true feelings for someone have been haulted by fear. How much more could I attain though by letting go of my fears and living life?

For most of my teenage years and still presently I have a fear of water and drowning... I have almost drowned quite a few times and even though I have taken swimming classes since then I really don't know if I can swim because I won't go into the deep end of any pool. Watching the olympics this year though has made wonder how well I could actually swim if I faced my fear... I really don't think I'm brave enough to do it yet..(just thinking about it right now I'm getting really nervous) but I hope that one day I can face my fear and swim like a dolphin lol!

The way that I think about myself has the most influence on what does and does not happen for me and also how it happens. For instance, all of last semester I was so scared of not passing my exit exam that though I was studying I didn't believe that I could do it (with God's help of course). I think what led to my failure the most was my doubt and lack of faith in God and myself. My fear consumed me so much that I couldn't believe anything else.

I am learning to deal with my feeling differently now and maybe one day I can say that I was afraid of water but I tackled that fear and I've moved to the next one.

Secrets

Secrets need to be kept to protect the person whose secret it is. Often times we tell people information that we need not tell because they are going off of their life experiences and are discouraging to us. When I tell someone something and I feel bad afterwards because of their response or a look I keep a mental note not to discuss such topics with them again. There are so many things that I wish I could talk to people about but because I know that encouragement and support will not follow in response I keep these things to myself.
Of course for me that is not always easy... Knowing that I have to keep all my feelings, aspirations, and desires to myself because I don't any negative thoughts planted into my mind really sucks. Real friends tell you the truth but also know that negative statements will not make their friend feel better.
I really wish I could truly vent without feeling like I'm being judged.

My duty?...

What are we held accountable for? What are our ultimate expectations of ourselves and how are they determined? Often we make a decision to do something based on how we would like to see ourselves one day. Though there isn't anything wrong with envisioning a better you.. at what point do we accept who we are and where we are? I have and still am struggling with accepting myself, my life and my expectations that may not have been reached for one reason or another. How do we know what your duty is in life then? At what point do we give up the fantasies and live in reality? Are out to run after our fantasies or do we wait for a sign to drop into our laps from God so that we can know what move to make next?
The reality is that God gave us a brain and the power of choice so that we can make the decision. At times executive decisions will be made and at that point we have to take into account that we do not see the bigger picture. The most difficult part is also the easiest. It is difficult to relinquish that control and desire to run our own lives but once we do it we see how easy it actually was and how much easier our lives are with them in God's hands.
So what is my duty? my passion? my next destination?
Nursing, Physical Trainer, Business Owner.... maybe all three?!
I really don't know but I can't wait to find out.

New Challenge

I have decided that I am going to run in a Marathon! My goal is to try for the GA Marathon in March. I have 8 months to do it and I don't know how I'm going to but I am going to try.

In the words of India...

I am ready for love... why are you hiding from me... I'll give up my freedom to be held in your captivity...

In the words that India sings I feel like I can really relate. It seems as though everytime that something potentially good comes into my life it kinda just dissipates.... The thing is I know I'm a good catch with a banging body so whats the deal? More recently someone came into my life that I have had a stronger connection with than I have with anyone in a very long time. It was scary at first and I admit I held back but at the same time it was good to know that it could happen for me again.

Lately I've been torn because I'm not sure if God will me the desires of my heart just because I want it or because that is what he has for me. I'm trying to trust Him but doubts creep in when I remember that two people can be headed down a path to meet one day as God intended and one person can leave the path and it is possible that the two will never meet.

Movies like Something New and Programs like Black Women in America highlight the lack of black men available. And then left with the ones available there has to be a connection... Two people may match on paper but that may be as far as it goes.

I just want who God has for me. I just pray that he is ready when I am ready.

Let Go and Let God...?

I had a moment in church today where the speaker asked a question that I have been thinking abou tbut have been to afraid to ask. Before I get to that though here are somethings that I was thinking about during church.



Sometimes we allow ourselves to forget how good God is and how much He has done for us when we are nothing but sinners and nothing is owed to us. Sacrifices that we claim to make do not compare to the miracles of life and the extra blessings tha the gives us though we do not deserve it. Thank You Lord!



We need to tell God how we feel, He is our best friend and will look out for us more thaan than any of our friends ever will. Everything that you need him to be for you He can be that and much more. Ask, Believe and Claim! Remember that He is not human and He will not fail you!
During church the speaker went ont o say that God's first response may not be His last and the we should persisitently pray for whatever it is that we are asking for.

I was quite torn about the persistent prayers so I talked over with some friends to get their perspective. The response I got was the Hannah prayed for a long time for a child. She could have given up when God didn't give her one but she continued to pray until she was told that she would have a son. Immediately after hearing this she told God that in her gratitude that she would give her child back to Him.

Hannah got what she desired in God's time through her persistent prayers. Maybe God wanted her to wait for the appropriate time in her life or maybe God just wanted to increase her faith...whatever it was that God was doing....I'm gonna just keep praying.

The Next Phases of Life.... Chapter ?

So much has changed since I started this blog and since I have last written that I don't know where to begin. I going to start by saying that God is good. He is too good to us sometimes especially when we don't deserve it... So far this year I have managed to make it out of undergrad and I am now moving out into the workforce. As excited as I am now I had so much more fear when the semester was ending. Letting go of being in school all my life was difficult. Because there isn't another level after college where someone can see their friends and deal with life changing issues with people they grown with and are comfortable I wasn't completely ready to close the chapter on my college years. Though I did have some anxiety I am better now knowing that I felt this same way when I left high school and it obviously didn't turn out as bad as I expected.

Moving on into the next chapters of my life are exciting and scary. Many of my friends are getting married, having children or doing both and honestly I am starting to feel left behind. All of our conversations have turned into convos about marriage, babies, houses and retirement! It is exciting to see my friends move on and have happy and productive lives and it makes me want more for that time in my life whenever it comes. I just didn't expect that it would happen for my friends so soon. I guess I always had that idea in my head that we all would enjoy our youth at little longer and then it a few years it would happen for all of us tat the same time... lol I guess that is my fault for expecting something like that... that is crazy that I really believed that though.

Where do I go from here? Where will I end up? What should I expect next?

These are questions that I have been asking myself for months, but they were much easier to handle when I was still in school, but now that reality has hit...

Don't know what to think....

I am so torn and confused inside right now. I'm tired of this rollercoaster. Sad thing is when I pray I don't feel like God hears me. I know no one reads these anymore but just pray...

Full Yet?

How do you decide that enough is enough? When do you know that you've had your fill. My heart yearns for more but my mind says that I'll full for right now... Should I push it away or hold onto it until it spoils because I don't want anyone to have any? Maybe I should just enjoy knowing that we were enjoying each other... Now I push it away because though I'm full and don't want to let go, I would rather have it come back my way the next time I'm hungry than sitting in front of me and spoiling. So goodbye ................. With love,

Krystle

Another year done!

This school year is has been the craziest ever. From not having a car for most of last semester, to having my ex-roommate move her boyfriend in to our apartment... man things have really been crazy not even including the little things that took place in between all of this. Most of all I can see though many bad things have happened, many good things too. I recieved a scholarship that I didn't apply for and moved into a better apartment with a great roommate... and not to mention that other good stuff that I cannot mention out loud yet. Thanks be to God for helping all of us through this school year. Congrats Raquel, Jailyn, and Candace.

Which one are you?

Tough Cookie.

The past few months have been crazy. I get overwelmed just thinking of everything that has happened. Through it all I have learned a few things. 1) Real life is tough, no matter how nice others make it seem. 2) Real friends always show their faces when times get tough. 3) The people who tell you the truth all the time and especially when you don't want to hear it are the ones that should be kept close by. 4) Look though someone elses glasses to make sure you're getting a clear picture in yours. 5) God knows best and His time is not our time. Honestly very few people know what I have been dealing with in the last few months. Sometimes when things come up no matter how hard to try to explain to people how you feel sometimes they just don't get it. Many times this semester I realized that my life is about finding the answer to solve the problem. The problem in the problem sometimes is that there is no solution... So what's the answer? I have no clue! Why do you think I'm writing? Do you follow you're heart? Or use logic? They both seem like they could work but real life isn't that simple. The hardest thing for me to do was stay strong. I was always so easy in the past but it has gotten harder. I have been broken. The year is wrapping up and I am very glad. I'm ready to begin a new year and do this one right. 2007 is mine! Stake your claim on it too but this year is ending and my baggage is staying there.

I did it!

I can't believe I did it! I am so excited and amazed that I did. It looks a little crazy but I love it. It will take a little getting used to but this will be a good experience...I hope. Tell me what you think, it is not complete but it needs to take time to get my natural curl back. I had it cut and colored and I kept my hair.

So much to say but I don't know how to say it.

It has been an interesting summer so far. More than you can imagine. Though there haven't always been good times I wouldn't take any of them back or change what has happened so far. Not knowing what step to take next have made decisions more difficult but at the same time just as fun. It is amazing to see how much all of us have grown when I interact with everyone individually. There is just something about the summer that allows thought and growth in an individual, at least I can say so for myself.

I went to Trinidad and I learned so much about myself because I learned about my family heritage. It was so enlightening to go to a place where my family lived as slaves and were freed. The place was Charlottesville, Tobago and it is beautiful.

My transition that I started last summer has been difficult because I don't like change or stepping out of my comfort zone. But everytime I feel like I want to stop and give up something happens to make me realize how much this needs to happen or someone will remind me of what things could be like in the future. Every day there is a lesson that I am supposed to learn. Most days I cannot focus and my vision is so blurred that I cannot see that there is a leasson sitting right in front of me.

God has given me so much and has promised to give me so much more if I believe and ask in his name. I doubt whether I can overcome my transition but it is not me but him. I have to remind myself that I could not have come this far without him so any futher will not be my doing.

There is so much more that can be expected, just wait for it.

Gone Traveling

At the moment I am sitting in my parents house and I am in the middle of doing my hair though I would much rather be asleep. It has been a long day. Yesterday I was running around huntsville trying to make sure I had everything I needed and then I got in Atlanta this morning and did the same thing. I went on a search to find a african braid shop that would do my hair at a descent price. But since I am poor that didn't exactly workout. So I decided to suck it up and do my hair myself. Now I'm about halfway done and all I want to do is sleep. I'm excited about going to Trinidad and seeing my family. I still get a little nervous on planes but I have more than enough books to comfort me. LOL. Anyway if you have time to check the blog I can give you an update and show you some pictures of Trinidad and Tobago. Oh yea and if you have a request for a souvenoir let me know asap. Lata guys, pray for me and I will be praying for you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speak Lord.

I'm actually scared of the future. I never been afraid of this before but now I am.

"There is not fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

Please pray.

Done with the interrigation process!

For every problem or decision in my life I have questioned God continually. And when I didn't get the answer that I wanted, the way that I wanted it answered I got mad. I been mad at God so much and honestly I should have been mad at myself for not trusting Him more. I heard I poem by Maya Angelou in which she stated that we interrigate God as if we have a right to. How can the clay question the potter, that just doesn't make sense. I believe that my journey to trusting God completely is just begining, though it took a while for me to get here. I have finally waved my white flag, and though I know that I will be waving it many more times, I am willing to continue doing so. I surrender, yes that's right Jailyn I've finally given up!

Trying new things!

Hello friends I hope that all is well and that we all find time this week to update our blogs. I really miss all of the profound thoughts.... I hope everyone is enjoying not having to study or take tests and is working hard to make that money!!!

On tuesday I went to a ballroom dance class and I sucked. It was funny though because I have rhythm and I can dance, but I didn't know any of the steps so I looked like I had two left feet. But it is amazing that people can know the steps to all of dances and make them their own. I really enjoyed it. I have been catching up with friends and trying to keep in contact with everyone while trying not to stay in the house constantly. I've been going swimming and working hard or at least acting like it. Enjoy everyday guys and try new things so that you can have stories to tell when we all get back. My little boo is growing and smiling and talking to everyone. Here is a recent picture. I love you all and I'm praying for you guys.

And another one!

The Lord has blessed! I needed to get a steady client at work and I got one! Thanks to the Lord. That is a wonderful blessing and that is just one of the many that I could share but I don't think that anyone has that kind of time. I went to my family reunion last weekend and it was much better than I thought it would be. I saw cousins that I haven't seen in a while and met others that I did not even know existed. And of course it was great to see my people that I haven't seen in months. Actually coming back to hunsville after that was kinda bittersweet, part of me started to wish that I had went home for the summer. But its all goodI'll make it eventually. For some reason after reading some devotion today I feel empowered as if I can do anything. yea but other than that nothing new is going on with me. I've been thinking about alot lately so maybe one day I'll share it with you. Peace, Love and Blessings SALSA!